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Emails From My Mother

August 10, 2008

Word for Word ladies and gentlemen…

MOM-
Date: Jul 29, 2008 6:58 PM
hi candra whats up ?? i dont know how to get on my my space so i guess i am on mikes how are my girls???????????? mom

ME-
hi mom,
i am working in las vegas until aug 4, but they girls are fine.
I tried to call you back the other day on whatever # you called me on and then i tried your phone but no answer. I dropped my phone in the pool so now it’s all messed up.
Are you bored?

MOM-
yes im so bored that i am trying to figure out how to work this thing, its not the same without mike to get me on now i dont really know what im doing ,,, who has the girls?hows vegas??????????????????mom

ME-
mom you do not understand email. you sent me blank messages and the same message like 600 times.
Vegas is really good, we rented a house with a pool so we don’t have to stay in a hotel on the strip. It’s so much better, you know I hate people and here i can sit in my own private pool. SWEET.

MOM-
Date: Aug 8, 2008 9:33 PM
hi candra and my beautiful grand daughters who i miss terribly, i know i really dont know what im doing on this, but my friend donna her husband willie stops over sometimes and hes showing me what to do, but i need to practice more then i just might be a (FUCKING GENIOUS) AS OUR SWEET LITTLE FRANKY USED TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD I MISS THAT BOY MORE EVERYDAY!!!!! but thats life i guess!!!! have you seen mikey latley? i guess hes madly in love! im so happy for him! how is bill and the girls?????????????? i miss you all so much!!! but one thing that i dont miss one bit, is your dads hatefulness toward me, since hes been gone i have truly got my serenity and happiness back! he used to make me feel worthless and useless, and he said some of the most hurtful hateful things. thats the control thing that men to make you feel like you had no sense at all!but i know that i am a good person and hes just very jealous of me !!!!!!!!!!!!!111 well imm gonna go for now! i love you and i miss you even more!!!!!!!love mom

ME-
Why don’t you know how to get on your own myspace?
Everyone is good. I just got back from vegas monday, I was there for almost 2 weeks. I want to live out there. Anywhere west I don’t care. I love it.
I haven’t seen Mike, i’ve talked to him a few times and he seems good. erica is really nice and cute.
Bill is good, he is working on a new show in kent and now we have to get ready for back to school! Kill me. I want to be somewhere that it’s always summer vacation.

MOM-
Date: Aug 10, 2008 9:25 PM
hi candra, whats up with you always wanting to move someplace odd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just move down here, at least you know that where ever i am you know you have a built in babysitter!!!!!!!!!! well bye for now, tell the girls that i miss them terribly bad. and i cant wait to see them again!!!!!!!!!!love mom

ME-
Here is where I want to live:
WARM
MOUNTAINS
OCEAN
JOBS

MOM-
and knowing you you will move somewhere off the hook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOM-
hey candra, whats up?/ your dad just called and of coarse now hes telling everyone that will listen to him that im smoking crack!! what a bunch of shit! he always thinks the worst of me! personally i told him that i was having a rum and coke and i took 2 of my nerve meds!~!thank god for them they keep me from stressing put as much! i sure do miss you so much.
love mom

Reading emails from my mom is like reading a note some kid passed me in middle school. There are always a million !!, and a whole lot of whats ups?. She doesn’t understand that email has forgotten all the formalities and just gets down to the nitty gritty. When emailing your kid to tell her that her dad has accused you of smoking crack there is no need for a whats up.

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