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Social Security Office

May 19, 2009

Have any of you ever had to go down to the social security office to get a new card? Well I had to go down yesterday and it was just all kinds of horseshit. First you have to get a number, that’s fine I can do that. Then you must try to navigate the thousands of people waiting who look like they have actually moved in to find a seat. It honest to god looked like a convention of Wal Mart cashiers except these people don’t want to work. We sat down and there was a lady behind me in full on GRUMPY (of the 7 drawfs fame) t shirt, hair scrunchy, and walker with tennis balls. She sat what felt like 2 inches behind me and every couple minutes would sigh very loud and say oh jesus. Or god help me it hurts. Oh jesus this is killing me. Where is my child? Oh god. Oh jesus. You get the point. Two younger dudes walked in with an envelope and one looker on tried to help him out by saying, “drop box is o’ver there dumbass”. Then a girl probably 20 years old walks in and low and behold it’s old jesus christ ladies kid. They call the girls name and the jesus christ lady says, go on up there, you don’t need me with you baby. So the girl sits down and proceeds to tell the man behind the counter she is applying for benefits because she quit her job. The mom recognizing she needed to come in and help explain the situation rushes up in her walker and sits down. She tells the man her daughter was hurt on the job and can never work again. This is the same girl that walked in all alone, no problem, no nothing. The man asked how long ago the accident occurred and the jesus lady said, a week ago. So in one week the girl was injured so bad she could never work again which in turn made her quit her job and landed her in the social security office in akron ohio pleading her case.

APPROVED.

Next it was my turn and I go up with my application all filled out and ready to go. They make you put down your mom and dads name on there for whatever reason. The dude asks if I happen to have my birth certificate, which I did cause this bitch ain’t coming back 2 days in a row. He says to me, the fathers name in the system and what you have on your application don’t match. He looks at the birth certificate and there is no father listed. He said well it’s not that big of a deal and continues to process my app. Then he printed out a page for me to sign for my card and right there he gives the name of the father. There is NO name listed on my birth certificate and even though I know the truth what if I didn’t? Isn’t that a serious breach of security? I mean how do you just give out information like that? I was kind of shocked. Then suddenly a cell phone rang out and the guy behind the desk looked satisfied. Like he waits for this all day. He takes all this bullshit from people all day with their shitty excuses as to why they can’t get a job and need free money and the second a cell phone rings, it’s instant vindication against the world. The man says, RICK! RICK! and a security guard appeared before him and he says 2 magical words that make him feel on top of the world.

CELL PHONE.

The guard goes and kicks the people out into the hallway. The man with the mustashe and the bullshit job says to me, your card will arrive in 7-10 days.

Next.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. michelleperez permalink
    May 20, 2009 11:59 am

    i just want to let you know i am always sitting at work reading your blog laughing my ass off and i know everyone thinks i’m crazy because i’m laughing to myself but it’s too good not to laugh….

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