Sir, I do not want to buy your dining table

Listen friends, I am having a really hard time understanding why it’s so hard to support each other. We’re in a bad economic way, this is “hardtimes” as my grandpa Dean would say. Everyone is struggling so wouldn’t it make more sense to support local business than to go to wal mart and feed the beast?

That being said, why can’t you and your friends come to the craft show I am putting on? You don’t know what you’re doing Sept 5th yet and if you do then that’s a legitimate excuse. Admission is free and you don’t have to buy anything but coming down to support local businesses and local artists would mean a lot to them and me. I’m not trying to sell you Tupperware, I just want everyone to have a good ass time.

Next topic- People call my job and ask me weird shit all the time. Yesterday a dude called and before I could answer I hear him yelling at a woman telling her to shut up. I politely waited till he was done bitching to say hello. He asked if we were a furniture design company and I said yes. He then asks if we buy used furniture. How does furniture design imply we buy your old shit? I tell him no and he asks me who does. I said I don’t know, put it on craigslist. He then proceeds to tell me he has to pay rent and has to sell his item today. Then he says, it’s a beautiful oak and marble table do you want to buy it?

Do I sound like someone that is part of an amish mexican couple?