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The 13 men not to date

March 11, 2008

I am 29 years old. These are my dating stories one after the other on my journey to just find the one that makes me laugh.

#1. The White Rapper

Oh no, I’m not making it up.
Ah young love, I met this fine gentleman while still in high school. I was 16 and he was a year below me. Our dating consisted of seeing him at school, going to the movies on weekends, sometimes he was allowed to come to my house and just once I was allowed to go to his. My dad hated his gigantic pants and the way he talked. I mean we lived in a farm town. Where the hell did this kid think he was coming from? So I defended him to the other boys with their big stupid belt buckles and tight wrangler pants. I loved him. God what went wrong with this love you might ask?
He dumped me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. Ah those were the days.

Where is he now?

Living in his mom’s basement, working as a car washer, and cutting some awesome Cd’s available on the internet with stolen beats and melodies but with completely original and articulate lyrics such as “you run up on my ride muh fucka you goin die muh fucka what you high muh fucka?”. In his spare time he poses for pictures to put on his myspace with big guns from the costume shop and giant golden chains around his neck so as to appear tough. Don’t mess with him please, for your own good, I mean do you really wanna die muh fucka?

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