Listen I don’t know why

I was just in the bathroom taking my pants off to put on some sweet PJ pants and I was standing in front of the full length mirror. I happened to look up and I said to myself out loud WHAT THE HELL. Upon closer inspection the crotch of my underwear is ripped out like someone had a bite. These things are new! It’s like the 4th time I’ve worn them. They didn’t have giant crotch hole when I put them on. I have no idea how the crotch of my underwear could rip open, exposing all my business and I didn’t even know. I really laughed hard.
OMG what if my pants are ripped there too and my garbage can was flapping in the wind all day, including dinner with bill’s family?
I have to go check my britches.