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You want to put what where?

October 7, 2008


Why do you want something called Nipple Pliers? The only thing clamping down on these nipples is a newborn. Don’t try to clamp, bite, or pinch these babies or I will clamp and punch your face.

Giant butt plug? I never understood what these things were for until I read the description. “Great for painless stretching and adjusting to having any girth inside. Just the toy to use before a date. ” In all my years I don’t believe I ever stretched my ass prior to a date, but I guess thats just me.

Ok this you don’t put in anywhere, but I was just wondering where do you put this ass? Would you need to hold the ass or could you just put it up on the counter and go to town. Where do you store your ass?

First of all, where are you putting the KONG? It is certainly not attending my business meeting. And for the love of god, why does it have hairy balls?

Now this one I have never seen before. This one you are supposed to fill with whatever liquid you want and when you’re ready you squeeze the deal and it faux-jaculates. Give me just a small damn break. One of the attractions of a vibrator is that you have no messy cleanup. What are you going to fill that with anyway? Whip cream? no- yeast infection, jelly? no- seeds, i guess sugar free jello. But then do you really want to be walking around the next day with blue raspberry jello rolling out?

A hand? a whole hand? No, i have a hand. What I don’t have is a whirly twirly vibrator. I don’t want a damn hand. You’re going to use your real hand to hold a fake hand that rubs your business? No thank you.

Edible Underwear? I throw squires underwear in the washer as fast as possible so I don’t accidentally see anything. You think im going to eat something i have to peel off his ass?

Just get this. Eager Beaver is cheap easy quick it doesn’t squirt and it does the job.
I need to work for a sex toy store or maker. The world does not need plastic hands to put in places. Do we really need to stretch our asses before a date? I hope not.

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