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get your fuckin cart outta here

November 16, 2008


Uh- has anyone else noticed the difference in customer base between wal mart and target? I can’t begin to tell you of my hate for wal mart. I have to go to wal mart because it’s the only place that I can get nicks food. Also it’s where my prescriptions are sent. I need to change that I believe. Every time I walk into that store as far as the eye can see are fat old lady asses in stretch pants so tight I can see their cellulite dimples. I try to get down to wear the dog food is and to do this i have to navigate a main aisleway. In the fucking aisle every god damn time are the slow walkers, the stop and ponderers and the aisle hoggers. You know damn well 2 carts can fit BARELY so why the hell do people stop with their stupid cart filled with trim spa and cupcakes to look at some damn lip gloss that isn’t going to help their situation anyway and park that bitch sideways across the aisle so now you have to try to turn and go around a display of knock off perfume wrapped up in gift boxes for the holidays wait for 16 old ass ladies to waddle by to get into the other aisle. Going into wal mart is like stepping into hillbilly hell. Listen I have a t shirt that I find hilarious. It’s a big pig and it says ASK ME ABOUT MY HOG. Once while trying to leave wal mart some real old toothless man sitting on a bench did in fact ask me about my hog.
Here’s another thing I hate about wal mart- the oil change department. Have you ever tried to get your oil changed here? Why the hell does it take 6 days to get some new oil put in? You go back and check 19 times and the same fucking truck they had in the garage when you pulled in in 1982 is still sitting there.
When you walk into Target you are politely greeted by a beautiful Starbucks instead of some old man that literally looks like he just walked out of his grave and slapped on a blue smock. You get your tasty treat from starbucks and continue on your shopping experience and find yourself in dollar spot land. This is a magical little area where fairies dance and you can find mini martini glasses in packs of 3 for $1.
My only complaint with Target is that the back aisle of toys where the games are is a little too small. People get way too crazy back there in December and it’s every man for himself and its scary.
I might start to need a chaperone if I have to go into wal mart, I don’t know what’s going to happen if one more bitch diagonal carts me. Im probably going to ram her with my own cart filled with cans of hearty loaf for my stinkin dog and knock her ass out. Once she’s down im going to staple one of those fucking yellow happy faces to her head.
After I beat that bitches ass, im just stealing that dog food. Take that wal mart.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jespi permalink
    November 18, 2008 4:17 am

    Laughing my ass off right now – that’s all so true!
    Ever tried to play Walmart Bingo?
    http://bitsandpieces.us/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/imageswalmart-20bingo.jpg

  2. Anonymous permalink
    November 19, 2008 9:50 am

    I love the bingo card.

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