2 weeks

In the past 2 weeks I have gotten married, went up a number in my tens column, and been to Nevada and back. Weird.
So on our last day in Vegas we saw 5 baby tigers- 4 white and 1 yellow and a baby dolphin. It was awesome.
Did I tell you guys that while we were at Red Rock our rental car was keyed? I took this as a personal attack because i was driving. I didn’t park close to anyone, I didn’t flip anyone off on the road, and I didn’t open my door and dent the door next to me so I don’t know what the hell. What I do know is that we attempted a cover up involving paint and white shoe polish. Hopefully we pulled it off.

Later on Sunday we went to old vegas where I won 20 bucks in nickels. I had to take all my nickels up to the change lady like some poor college boy trying to buy beer.

At the airport we were randomly selected for additional screening where they take what looks to me like stridex pads and wipe it all over your shit and then magically that determines whether or not you will blow up the plane. Airport security people are real douchebags. They really believe they have some kind of sweet power. Dude you’re still dressed up like a butch lesbian on halloween dressed up as an airline pilot working in some stinkin airport wiping the acne right off my shoes so why don’t you go ahead and take the shit ass attitude you have and relax.

On the ride from Atlanta to Akron we had the very last row in a small shitter plane and let me just say, why don’t you actually ride outside and sit on the engine because it might be quieter.
Why the hell can’t people sit their ass down when boarding a flight? What the hell are they doing? Put your goddamn bag under your seat and sit your ass down. And here’s another thing- check your fucking bags. Why do they insist on bringing a bag the size of an old washer box on the plane? Check the shit and make our lives easier.
I saw one oh so fashionable lady in her designer sweat outfit, big hoop earings, and her smart hat carrying a LV purse, wallet and dog carrier. You know that bitch got that stupid dog just so she could get that matching carrier. I bet she bought the carrier first and then took it with her to look at the dogs and put them in there first to see if they fit.
Go to the airport if you want to see someone weirder than you- that shit will always put things in perspective for you.

Oh hey Im making Thanksgiving at my house and my dad, brother and his girlfriend are coming so stay tuned for some ridiculous family dysfunction turning over the table fuck this shit im outta here story on Friday.