i wish that one day i will find out that i was adopted

I begrudginly called my mother this evening and as it turns out i don’t think i like her much. I failed to call her and mention that I got married (one month ago today!) and I still haven’t sent her school pictures of the kids from Sept so that was the first order of business I was yelled at for. I know she talks about me to my dad and brother about how I don’t call and I do this or I leave my kids all the time and why the hell did I even have kids if I was going to leave them all the time. Hey mom, remember when you left me and my two brothers and pretty much disappeared from our lives? Hey mom remember smoking pot in front of us? Hey mom remember getting arrested a few weeks ago for the hundredth time?
Then she goes on a rant about how she doesn’t like that bill has a butt crack that is pretty much always visible. She doesn’t think the girls should see his butt crack. I asked her if that was seriously the conversation she wanted to have with me. Was this a real concern? Yes. Her answer was yes. Bill isn’t walking around with his hog hanging out. They aren’t looking at the naked squatch on the loose. This is purely a butt crack complaint. Don’t we all have butts? Don’t they all look the same? It’s not appropriate from them to see a butt crack. hey mom was it appropriate for you to throw a beer bottle and attack my dad with a steak knife and get the police called on you when you were watching my kids? Please don’t mention bills abnormally long butt crack to me again.