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In Response to my Dear Sisters Biting Comment

April 3, 2009

STEPH SAYS: you probably won’t like this but the reason plans change for you is because you give up on everything you try as soon as it doesnt go your way. if you work at something, you have an outcome, but you work for a month then quit. shit doesnt work that way. everyone who has success worked for it, it doesnt come overnight. you need patience, as much as it sucks, but its the only way you are going to accomplish any goal.

The one true thing that has driven me for 30 years is the pursuit of my own happiness. I have chased love, never erred on the side of caution, I have had the courage to go back to school about 20 times, and have not been able to find out what I am supposed to be doing with my life yet. I started nursing in school a few times now and it’s never what I wanted to do, it was just a means to be able to move and have a secure job. I have come to realize that is just not in the cards for me. I need freedom and creativity and nursing cannot give me these things. Maybe I will never find it but all I know is that I will never stop looking. If I stop thinking and trying things then I will be dead inside.
I have a burning drive to find whatever it is Im looking for and I know I will never stop until I can finally sit down and know ok this is right where I want to be.
To have either the balls or the stupidity to get out there and actively hunt my own happiness, wherever in the world it may lead me, doesn’t make me a quitter.
At least, I don’t think so.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Dan permalink
    April 3, 2009 4:15 pm

    Just saw you added me on twitter. Wanted to say thanks. Akron Ohio isn’t horribly far from the Lexington, KY area. Send me a tweet some time. I’ll follow your blog, too.

    By the way, your adsense is showing public service ads. That’s not a good sign. I could point you toward a couple helpful resources if you want.

    Let me know

  2. Steph permalink
    April 3, 2009 6:59 pm

    maybe if you stop trying so hard to figure out how to get what you want and figure out how to be some other way in some other place, you will just slow down and be with who and what you do have who love the shit out of you and eventually it will fall into place for you, it has to. i know i dont want to live here forever either but im not busting my ass to try and figure out where to go all the time and not being happy with where i am (most of the time) and who i have. i have the best friends ever and im happy with my family and i know i will get where im going, and most of you will be there too.
    and i never said “quitter”. theres a difference between a quitter and someone who quit a few things now and then. mostly i want you to know i would never publically call you that even if i did think it, which i don’t. i just want you to be happy with who you have until you figure whatever you need to figure out. you already know the beginning and the end of our lives, you’ll get the middle soon. it will come.
    i wonder if anyone will call me a bad name for upsetting you earlier, which wasn’t intentional. i hope so, no one ever says bad things about me and i think its funny.

  3. Lori E permalink
    April 6, 2009 9:01 am

    Looking for “something” isn’t a problem. The problem comes when the looking is an excuse for not actually “being” . Not saying that is you because I don’t even know you.
    I don’t think we are ever right where we want to be all the time. Things change, we change. Best not to give up on everything when it does but to see if maybe that is going to work out better in the end.
    Boy aren’t I the know it all.
    Good luck.

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