just a day

does anyone else do weird things to their person? not person like on my person but like whoever you wake up with. A regular day starts with me jackassing around in bed to wake Bill up and then I’ll do things like take the hair that falls out of my head and put it on his face when he’s not looking, or touching his tongue with my finger when he yawns. The other night (I sleep low on the bed and he sleeps high his extra long ass crack is usually right at the same level as my face and it always makes me mad) I found a big wad of nicks dog tail hair and I totally shoved it in his crack without him even noticing. I think I’d notice if a something the size and feel of a giant cotton ball was shoved in my butt. Other annoying things I do to him include hiding his pillow when he gets up to pee so when he lays down in the dark his head hits the bed real hard, putting strings or hairs in his ear holes, general nipple pinching, leaving the light on when he’s trying to sleep so he has to get up to shut it off, and when he’s not looking I wrap his stinky little security blankets around the dogs.

To be fair, he does fart me out of bed every morning and night and frequently wakes me up with his sleep jacking. Also, he ate all the Halloween candy. I feel Im justified. It’s the little things.

I just wanted to know if anyone else out there does weird shit to their person too, or is it just me?