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mr and me. a modern day love story?

June 15, 2011

The old how did you two meet question…

March 30th 2007 I went to my first comedy show in a real club to see Robert Kelly. I always loved stand up so I was pretty excited. I sat so close to the stage my feet were actually resting on it. Bill Squire opened the show and I thought he did a really good job but quickly forgot his name. Show went well and we were walking through the bar to leave – here he tells me that he tried to get my attention and say hello to me and I completely ignored him and walked out leaving him no hope of meeting me.

The next day I left a comment on the headliners MYSPACE page (that’s how old this story is) saying thanks for the show blah blah blah. Within hours I had a friend request from Bill Squire. His profile pic looked familiar so I looked in this saved profiles folder I had and he was in there. I had an idea about 6 months before this fateful day to make a mini documentary about the actual life of a local stand up comic and the 2 guys I found that might work for this were Bill and his friend Jim. I guess one way or another we were bound to meet.

I accepted the friend request and we started emailing and I asked him if he would be interested in doing this project together and he said of course. I mean really why wouldn’t he be interested? I am good time. We decided to meet up and figure things out so we went to the winking lizard and decided there were too many people there and ended up at Chilis instead. I am ashamed to admit this and have not been back since. So chat chat blah blah, check comes and he pays. He tells me later on this is how he knew it was a date. I was no aware it was a date. I was ENGAGED at this time and he knew it. For whatever reason we ended up at Best Buy wandering around and talking about movies and whatnot, sitting in the armchairs in front of the tvs like 2 creeps. After that he took me back to my car and planted his big stupid lips on mine without warning.

After that we saw each other every minute possible. I don’t even know why. I didn’t want a another boyfriend in my life. I was getting ready to kick the current one out and just wanted to be alone. In my mind I thought we’d probably have some sex and end up as friends.

Fast Forward to May 2007 we’ve been hanging out, no labels, nothing serious at all he goes on a fucking podcast he knows I listen to and admits to having sex with some drunk stripper while seeing me. I went away to Chicago for work and ignored his calls and texts and felt pretty sure we were done. Then I get a text from him that says he’s on his way to Chicago and where I am staying. I responded back and told him that I would be working didn’t know when I would even be back to my hotel. It got later and later until he was pretty convinced I wasn’t even in Chicago and that he had made the trip for nothing which I really enjoyed. Finally got back to my place at 10pm and there he was flowers in hand. Forgiven? Not just yet. First I got to take a picture of him totally naked and doing the buffalo bill tuck from Silence of the Lambs. If you think I still don’t own that picture you are wrong my friends. I should put it in this post.

I moved into a new place in June without the old boyfriend and Bill started sleeping over. BUT I totally made him hide his car so my kids never knew he was there. I went on a 2 week trip in July 2007 and I realized that god damn it I was in love.

Sept 2007 WORST EVER Squire moved to NYC. My head fell off. He did end up spending more time with me than in his apt in nyc but still it sucked. I remember one instance I was driving him to the airport to go back to nyc and there was traffic and he said well i’m probably going to miss this flight so I might as well stay. I wasn’t going to argue even though we both knew he could have made it.

Dec 2007 Totally engaged. We came home from a gingerbread house making event at his parents house and the whole way home all I could think about was how I needed to break up with him so he could go live a normal life and not be strapped down with my ready made family. That very night he proposed.

We’ve had our up and downs. Fights about tranny porn that ended with him packing up a bag to leave containing exactly one belt and one scarf but who hasn’t been there really?

This is us after admitting we were in love. July 2007. 2 stupid assholes.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 15, 2011 3:37 pm

    You’re so cute it makes me want to puke.

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