Candra + Alcohol = __________________________________

Everyone who knows me knows I love cocktails. I love making them and I love drinking them however it seems like the older I get the easier it has become for me to blackout. It doesn’t happen every time but it happens enough to make me extremely uncomfortable. I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic by any means but being out of control of your body is really scary. Most of the times I haven’t eaten properly or stayed hydrated and of course its a factor but I also feel like it’s a justification. I don’t want to make excuses or justifications. I know this happens to me and I should be in control of that situation.

It’s the weirdest thing to wake up and have whole chunks of time missing. It’s like being abducted by aliens without the probing (usually). My mind slips but I function normally. I’m  a zombie that can walk and talk but I’m just not there anymore. My conscious brain is fast asleep while I roam on.

My husband has taken care of me, put me to bed and nursed those nasty hangovers. I’ve worried him, pissed him off, and other times hurt him with behavior that I don’t remember. It’s shitty and thankfully he’s forgiving (I’m sorry babe).

It’s really hard to say this publicly and it’s super embarrassing but it’s on my mind and bothering me a lot so I had to talk about it. I don’t know if I’m done with alcohol forever but I have to be done for now (sorry taco bell, i know this is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me).