Fear is Just a Bully

I’ve been thinking about fear & anxieties lately. A lot of my life has been pointlessly wasted on fear and I’ve let fear dictate too many decisions. When you’re approaching anything coming from a place of fear you’re not truly being yourself.

I’ve been working on releasing old fears that have built up inside of me and in turn have built walls to protect my heart from anything that may disturb it. It feels amazing to let go of shit that doesn’t matter. It is liberating to release yourself from the internal prisons we build for ourselves. For example, when you’re afraid to have to get a shot you worry, you anticipate, you have anxiety about it, you dread the pain. Then you get the shot and you’re like well holy fuck that wasn’t bad at all. Look at all the time you wasted. I’m treating my fears and anxieties like shots. I know that it’s not time well spent worrying about the what ifs, and the unknowns and I know for sure that fear is a stupid asshole who doesn’t know shit anyway.

We live afraid of what if my relationship breaks apart so we hold on, do things we don’t really want to do, become people we aren’t just because we are afraid of what if? If your relationship does in fact break apart, will you die? NO. You will have learned something. You will move on with your life. You will be just fine.

We live afraid to do what we really want to do because of what ifs. What if I fail? What if people think I’m stupid for trying this? Who cares? In the end will it matter what anyone thought but yourself? fuck no it won’t.

I’ve struggled a lot with social anxiety and how to deal with that. I’ve felt bad about myself because of it until I got real with myself. I don’t like to go out. I don’t like parties. I don’t like crowds. I like to be alone. I like to read and write. I like the quiet. I shouldn’t apologize for what I like. I should be truthful and real. I’ve been doing that and it makes me so fucking happy!

I’ve realized that anxieties are just fears and fears are just like school bullies. They’re insecure assholes who feel bad about themselves so they try to bring everyone else down too.

I don’t know about you but I’m not going to let some pointless fears hold me back from anything anymore. I know it’s something I’ll have to keep working on and you know what, I might always have some fear of dentists because they are masochistic weirdos but overall fear can fuck off. Fear doesn’t live here anymore.

Also, in the spirit of not being afraid, I will be doing a presentation Friday Feb 20th about my writing. Come if you’d like! http://www.pechakucha.org/cities/cleveland/events/54d1a067bfb6ff3167000003