PechaKucha

If you missed it and wanted to see it: (Premise is 20 pics, 20 seconds per pic to tell a story)

Be still my love, so that I may watch your heart beat and learn all your secrets. It was early December when that sentence popped into my head from literally nowhere. I wasn’t thinking about anything but gathering my things to leave work. It was so out of place I wrote it down and thought about it all night. By the next morning I had an idea.

Using things I already had in my studio I stamped out the sentence on a piece of vellum paper and put it over a printed-paper. I thought about how to make it seamless with spray glue or maybe scrapbooking glue dots but then I thought about the washi tape I had. Nothing I create is ever clean or straight so this would not be any different.

I like the rudimentary look of the prints because my intention was never to make fine art pieces. My only intention was to let the words escape my mind to make room for the new ones constantly rolling in. I take ones that I’ve messed up or written maybe just for myself and I stick them anywhere the studio walls are blank like little notes to self.

They took on new meaning when I started writing them for and about people in my life. It’s as if my friends and family became characters in a book I might be writing. I give the prints to their rightful owners with trepidation hoping they don’t think they’re dumb. So far the responses they’ve invoked have all been similar as if what I wrote rings true.

She ached for places both known and unknown for she was a rambler at heart. That’s Melissa. She’s a kindred spirit who is compelled to know what every volcano looks like, wants to do yoga on every mountain top, needs to taste every craft beer, and constantly feels the pull of the Pacific somewhere deep in her bones.

She loved in a way that was heavy and permanent. That’s my friend Rachel. She is one of the most loyal people I know. If you’re lucky enough to be loved by her she will take on the weight of your troubles and share in the light of your happiness. She will make you dinner. She will also quite literally give you the art off her walls if you asked.

When he would play even the birds would hush to hear his song. That’s Josh. At 19 he sat at a piano for the first time in his life and realized that he can play by ear. He can’t read or write music but he can compose and play things that creep into my soul and bring me to tears every time I am close enough to watch and hear his songs.

She saw the world only in terms of what would make it prettier. That is Stephanie. She surrounds herself with color. She can take any ordinary thing and bring it to life with colors, prints, and patterns. I’ve never gotten a single piece of mail from her in our 30 years of friendship that wasn’t covered in some kind of crazy stickers.

She had an innate ability to see beauty where others could only see sadness. That is Mickey. She’s a 24-year-old girl who travels the world teaching taxidermy. It’s not just the way she is able to take a dead animal and breathe new life into it but the way she sees the world that’s different. I haven’t met many people who are excited to find random human teeth to make jewelry out of.

Though she laughed the loudest, her soul was quite delicate. That’s Bridget, who is the world’s biggest cheerleader for everyone without asking anything in return. She is excited for you or fighting mad for you, or just sad with you. Sometimes it’s the people who talk the loudest who are actually the quietest when it comes to asking for what they need.

He wasn’t afraid to live; he just didn’t know where to start. My friend Shawn has always been up for anything but overwhelmed by the possibilities. It seems like he’s waiting for someone to come along to show him the way. I wanted him to know the way is already inside him so he should jump in right now and claim his tomorrow.

Her practical nature let her believe in only one magic. Love. Aimee is a nurse and super logical. She plans for every occasion and always comes fully loaded with just in case snacks. Love is her only impracticality and she’s chased it around the world, proving that everyone has a little time to believe in some kind of magic.

Humans captivated him and he’d never be able to settle until he knew all their stories. I’ve never known anyone as passionately curious as Andrew Samtoy. His genuine interest in what people are doing is inspiring. The only thing in the world he could say to surprise me at this point would be saying that he’s getting married.

His heart was bigger than his hands could hold. This is for Adam. He’s one of those people that will help anyone but if you happen to be a person he loves he would give you the heart from his chest. I wanted him to remember that he would die without a heart. Love yourself, then others. Just like the oxygen masks on a flight. Yourself first, then others.

Don’t forget you can fly too my dear. This is for my oldest daughter. She always seems to focus on other people. Their talents, or style, or how great they are and she forgets to see herself. I want her to remember that she’s awesome and talented and the very best at being relentless when she wants something.

Run wild free spirit, chase your happiness across the world for you’ll never be alone, the moon won’t allow it. This is for my middle kid who has always gone her own way but has a tendency to be a people pleaser and someone who takes on a lot of responsibility. I want her to know that she’s free and the only person she needs to please is herself.

Little love, your heart is almost too fragile for this world, so just be kind and be free. This is for my youngest daughter who feels the weight of the world and the sadnesses of the humans who live in it. I have to remind her that she can’t help everyone but as long as she is kind her conscious will be clear and she will be free of the weight that doesn’t belong to her.

He used to wander for approval, now he wanders for knowledge. This is for my husband, who is a comedian and by nature he needs to be seen, and heard, and liked by people. In the last year he’s stepped back and looked inward. I wanted to know that I’m proud of him for choosing to find the approval within himself instead of others.

As an introvert, I write. I write to tell people how I feel because I can’t say the words out loud the same way. I write so people can see me without having to be physically seen because I so love to hide. It’s way easier to hear my thoughts when I’m alone on a mountain than it is standing in front of a giant room of people.

Sometimes the prints turn out to be reminders for myself. It’s easy to tell someone that they need to change or to stop hiding but it’s harder to tell yourself those things and actually believe them. Sometimes you need a pretty rainbow paper to tell you to cut the shit & put yourself out there because there really is nothing to be afraid of.

That’s it. Thanks for coming or reading and for all the kind words.

I had a very Alice dream this week. I was looking at a tiny doorway and said I can’t fit through there. A voice said to me, sure you can, it’s all about perspective. I wondered this week what I should be looking at differently and Thursday night I think the answer came in another dream or one of those middle of the night twilight thoughts. I think the sentence that started these prints, “be still my love so that I may watch your heart beat and learn all your secrets, was meant for myself. It’s been a small doorway to so many new thoughts and realizations about myself. Life is weird kids, life is weird.