By Decades

I was thinking about all the pictures people were putting on instagram, me in 2006 & me in 2016. I hadn’t thought much about grouping my time by decades until then.

I was 27 when the clock told me it was 2006. My children were babies, Skylar was 6, Fallyn was 5, and J was just 3. My cats just 1 & 2 years old, and my beloved best buddy Nick was only 5 months old. My grandpa was still alive and my dad did not have cancer. In this last decade I have lived a lifetime.

I fell in love and got married, I made it through the agony and healing of the break up that followed. I watched some of the most influential people in my life slip away before my eyes, and have held & loved the new babies that have been born since. I’ve learned that parents are not immortal. I have moved 4 times losing much along the way but also learning it’s ok to let go. I have written about my life for ten years right here on this blog to make sense of what I’ve thought about anything. I’ve watched my red-haired dog turn gray. I have watched my children grow to adults. I think that’s the part that really hurts the most.

I have learned to appreciate every obstacle and hardship that has come along because I’ve been able to turn them into lessons learned. With my kids however, the lessons and mistakes made feel too great. The weight of hearing their tiny voices on old videos and knowing that in those moments I wasn’t fully appreciating it because I was worried about making dinner, or paying bills, or trying to figure out what the hell I was doing with my life is almost crushing. Maybe that’s the greatest lesson, time is no one’s friend. Time is here to teach us to appreciate what’s important by any means necessary so pay attention. Stay present and remember what it’s all for.

I wrote this note to myself about two years ago. I still have to remind myself of this daily.

Babies with my dad

Bill & little J

2016

and here’s me. same oregon, same brother from another mother, but the girl on the right is infinitely wiser with the understanding there is so much more yet to be learned.