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March 12, 2008

Why people tell me their crazy poop stories I don’t know but they do, here’s some for you i don’t want to be the only one with this information.
My aunt was shopping along at Hills one day when all the sudden she realized she really needed to take a dump. So she made it to the bathroom as quickly as possible. She locked the door and pulled down her pants and as she was turning around to sit down she started projectile pooping all over the door and it made a line o poo all the way across the walls until she finally got to the toilet.

Another aunt was at target just a few weeks ago when it hit her. She farted in the aisle and accidentally pooped a little, she lives in the south so she was wearing shorts unfortunately. Poop ran down her leg and she had to run to the bathroom and wipe herself down.

Oh my dad. My dad went on a job interview a couple years ago. He had to have a drug test done and it was the kind where a person has to go in the bathroom with you. Well he went in and was going in his cup when he accidentally farted. Turns out it wasn’t just that sneaky fart. He shat all in his underwear. So he has some guy standing right outside his stall listening to all this and he is inside his little stall trying to use toilet paper to scoop his own poop out of his underwear. So he gets what he can out and shoves toilet paper in his man briefs to create a barrier between himself and the poop. He then proceeded to the sink where he finds something very unhygenic. The water was off in the building for some reason! He had to complete the interview so he goes back and sits down and starts talking when he and the interviewer both realized that he really smelled like shit.
My dad said he was just going to take off.
He did not get the job.

Yeah, my mom too.
My mom was taking care of my dying grandfather one day when she bent over to lift him she totally strained and oh yes my friends out came the liquidy poop. She got him situated and left to get cleaned up. When she came back she told him what happend my grandfather said well you wiped me enough, I guess I can offer you a diaper out of my stock.

HHHMMM my boss
Mr KNOW IT ALL. He was in some important meeting in Israel when he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He just made it, or so he thought. When he came back to the meeting it was brought to his attention that there was a large brown moist stain on his ass. He jams it back to the bathroom and has to take off his pants in a public bathroom, wash them and dry them under the hand dryer.

Dammit Granmma
Ok so this one isn’t poop, but it’s still gross.
My granmma was shopping one day in a major department stuff with the above mentioned target shitting aunt. All the sudden she realized she had to pee really bad. They couldn’t find a bathroom anywhere and she started to panic. She ducked behind a rounder and let her rip. She peed right in her pants. She then GRABBED A DRESS off the rack and used it as a towel, wrapped her jacket around her waist and did the waddle of shame right out of the store.

Im sorry to have to burden you all with these stories but they are stuck in my brain and I laughed very hard at all of them. I do not have one of my own yet but with all this history it’s sure to happen soon.

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