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Anatomy of a Funeral Part 1

April 11, 2008

Part 1 ~ The Phone Call

Early March 2008

I get a call on the way to work from my Mom telling me that my paternal grandmother had passed away suddenly. My mother seems to thrive in these conditions. She loves to tell people bad news. It’s like she can’t wait for the next shitty thing to happen so she can call everyone and be the first one to tell them the news. I don’t know if she likes people to be as miserable as she is, or if it’s because she loves to be the center of attention.
She spares me the details except to tell me how shitty her life is and she can’t believe this is happening to HER now too.
Later my dad calls me and is very choked up. He had lost his dad 8 months before and now his mom was gone. He lives in FL and we are in Ohio so he wasn’t there for her at the end and he is feeling guilty. Even so he does not spare any details.
“My mom was coughing up a pint of blood before she died”. Thanks Dad. That’s what I wanted to hear. He tells me the funeral is in 5 days which means he is coming up to Ohio. He says he and my mom will be staying with me. My mom who doesn’t care how many times you tell her not to smoke in the house she will do it anyway and my dad who can’t sit still for longer than 5 seconds and is always driving into something. One other fun fact about this couple here, they can’t stand each other. They actually got divorced when I was 12 but about 4 years ago my mom somehow ended back up with my dad. Not even as a couple I don’t think, more of a I’m just going to move in here, not work and hate you anyway situation.
Within a day of this conversation they are on their way to my house at a deliberate 65 mph.

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