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Anatomy of a Funeral Part 2

April 11, 2008

Part 2 ~ The Arrival

My parents arrive at my house around 7 in the evening after spending 20 hours in a rented Chevy Cobalt with each other which is bad enough but also my dads older sister Diane, who says charming things like “on the way back home from this I’m going to be walking bow legged”. Apparently she was talking about “getting some” from her occasional, when I’m in town, crackhead boyfriend.
They came bearing pizza from Pizza Pan, you know the place where you get 47 pizzas for the price of half a pizza? My dad was so happy about his value and told us at least 7 times about how that was the best pizza sauce he ever had. I heard Bill say, how many pizzas have you had?
My mom immediately says, “can I smoke in here?”
So we eat our pizza and watch some Americas Funniest Home Videos. I mean it makes me laugh everytime. Bill ever so subtly slinks upstairs to hide.
Then they started showing me what they brought for my brother, who was getting out of prison soon and would need clothes. Keep in mind that my brother is the kid that has a million scary tattoos and wears big pants and wife beaters. So my mom pulls out a sweet Chicago Bulls jacket with leather sleeves, two Dale Earnhart Jr. shirts, and a pair of pleated khaki pants. After that my dad showed me his sweet new black jeans that he kept making me feel to see how soft they were.
I started to show them pictures of the kids and trips I have taken. I never see them so they have no idea what I am doing with my life. Eventually it leads to photobooth. This may be the hardest I have ever seen my dad laugh.

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