reading on the can

I will never understand why people feel the need to bring a book to the can. Why do you want to be in there any longer than you need to? Does it really take you an extended amount of time to leave your business? I don’t really like to discuss my happenings but I know this, I go in and get out as soon as possible. How is sitting there with your ass cheeks spread open over a pool of stink water a comfortable spot to enjoy your book?
If you’re in there and things take more time than expected, just grab the shampoo bottle or whatever package that’s within reach and read that. Maybe its the tampon instructions I don’t know what’s close enough to your toilet to read but that’s all you need. If you all keep sitting in there with your stacks of magazines you’re going to end up with a massive roid like the one my delightful friend has and he has to go get a colonoscopy now. Do you want to end up with a camera in your ass? I didn’t think so, now wipe and get the hell out of there.