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Adventures in Bartending

January 8, 2009

When I walked into the bar last night there were 3 dudes playing darts. This was at 6pm eastern standard time. One of the dudes, let’s call him JT is the owners son. So they’re playing darts and I figured they would head home soon. He has a finance waiting at home and he’s in work clothes so I know he came straight in after work. Then this other guy came in just crazy hyped up and buys the everyone in the bar a shot. This was all JT needed to send him on an alcohol spiral that wouldn’t end until 1am.
The crazy that guy came in kept telling me to call him walt baby love or wbl for short. He started telling me he wants to “eat my box” (which made me gag) and looking down in the direction of my vagina and making eyes at it. It was disturbing. This went on for about 3 hours with this dude. All the while JT is getting drunker by the minute talking about his bachelor party that is taking place Saturday at the bar. WBL told JT he was bringing the dark meat whores so they needed to shut the bar down. JT refused the dark meat whore and exchanged them for cocaine. The flyer for the bachelor party would read something like this..
Coke Party Saturday at JT’s!
Also Texas Hold ‘Em and FREE FOOD!!
So the drunker JT gets the louder he sings and the closer he talks to you. I don’t know why but when he talks to the other dudes in the bar it’s like a scene out of the homo erotic film interview with the vampire.
One of the dudes was getting progressively angrier about his inability to win at darts and the other kid kept going from hysterical laughter to near tears for no apparent reason. He would say things like if anyone messes with my family I have a gun and I will shoot. I try to be a good guy. Can I just have this beer? I don’t have any money.
Towards the end of the night they spoke to each other in a strange series of high fives and motivational phrases like i need you on my team man, you’re my teammate and you’re the best. You used that machine at the gym with 50 pound weights and I could only do 20!
A couple other random dudes would come in and out during this time and I find it to be the oddest thing. Why do men come into the bar to sit alone and drink? Are they lonely? I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable walking into a little stink bar and drinking alone. Or a desire to for that matter. It’s really sad kind of.
Finally the end of the night came after many darts, many pitchers of bud light, and many shots of jager and washington apples and I was left with the one dude who kept almost crying. He asks if I will take him home and I said I would. So he locked the doors and helped me turn off the lights and I took him home. When we pulled up to HIS PARENTS house he asked if I wanted to come in. I said no, it’s almost 2 am I have to get up early. He looked kind of confused by this and said oh ok. Um I thought you were going to come in and hook up with me.
I said no, im just dropping you off.
He said oh ok, well see ya.
I went home to wash the stinky cigarette smoke off me and truly wondered why a girl like me who hates people, hates bars, and hates cigarettes would subject themselves to working in a place like that.
And I guess the answer is I just can’t argue with walking away with thirty five sweet dollars in american currency.

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