i’m awkward

My aunt just put this picture up on FB and I had to steal it because god damn i am that girl.

While other people are having conversations and laughing it up you can always count on me to be hanging out with whatever pet they have. If the pet doesn’t really want to hang out you can bet your ass that I’ll chase that bitch around so I don’t have to awkwardly explain to people what I do. I don’t do small talk, I’m not that interesting and mostly when people are talking I don’t even know what they’re talking about. I don’t watch the news. If I am reading the headlines on yahoo and click the link I immediately click off if that thing is more than 3 paragraphs. I don’t have time to know what’s happening EVERYWHERE. I do know what celebrity is dating who, what movie they’re working on and their social security numbers.

Then you start talking to someone and they want to talk about their kids and how cute they are and what they did last week. There are a few people who are an exception to this rule and you probably know who you are but for the most part I don’t like kids. I have a few and they have their good moments but uh, they can move out anytime.

Also I have like 26 jobs, which job am I supposed to talk about when Im asked what I do? I don’t want to run down the list of shit so I mainly just say I am a full time corner sitter. Not like a sexy time one but like the lady who sits on old milk crates and holds a sign that says “BROKE. Need money for a trip to get away from my kids for a week”. The truth is most people don’t get that because they’re so happy being painfully normal that saying to anyone outloud that your kids are turds is a sin.

I don’t think people get me and I hate tripping over my words so I’ll just stick with what I know.

(i own this painting and it’s awesome)