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Relationships are work?

February 22, 2012

It seems 2012 has brought a whole lot of bullshit in the way of relationships, not only for myself but a lot of my friends as well. I never really understood the whole relationships take hard work adage until now. (is that an adage?)

One thing I know for sure is first you gotta actually really LOVE your person in order to be able to work on a relationship, if you don’t it’s so much easier to say fuck you and your lying cheating ass and then throw that fool the hell out of your life. If you DO really love your person then here comes the work part of this old saying. You have to WORK through hurt, and anger, then you have to remember why you’re with your person to begin with, and finally you have to figure out just what needs to change for things to get better. As far as I can tell, the problems are never really the fault of one party in the relationship. You might have to admit, face, and change some things about yourself as well. Maybe get a couple new bras? Maybe he replaces his hole filled underpants with new ones. Maybe you don’t spend most of your nights together in an alcoholic haze and you actually talk to each other about more than what kid broke what and how the cat liter needs changed. It’s so easy to forget that before there was a regular ass life together you were two people who actually liked each other and wanted to hang out.

Here are some rules of relationships as made up by me.

1. Every morning think about what your life would be like without your person. (Keep in mind you’re going to need to skip over the farts, stink breath, annoying night coughing, the tossing and turning and the stealing of the covers that you deal with through out the night.) If you would be the saddest sack ever without them then go to # 2. If not then you should probably just turn on some I will Survive and pack your shit.

2. Remember what you would dress like when you were dating your person? Wear that again. In my case I’ll need to lose some weight so I can fit back into my flannel shirts. You know you weren’t wearing some old ass used to be white bra.

3.  Kiss your person. Im not talking these tight lipped bullshit kisses, im talking lay one on them. Everyone likes a boner inducing kiss.

4. Adventure time! Get off the couch and go do something together. I don’t give a shit if it’s something you both hate. At least that gives you a common ground of bitching.

5. Make the sex. Don’t just do the normal routine where you jump right into the tricks you already know and then you’re all done. You’re gonna need to get into some weird shit sometimes. Step it up and by that I don’t mean try the cosmo sex tips, you’re going to have to turn on private browsing and dig around on the internet for some dirty thangs.

Follow these easy steps and push back your divorce by a couple years.

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