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Best of Cleveland Results

February 13, 2014

Ya’ll are ridiculous and I love you.

BEST OF CLEVELAND! (word for word just like I got the responses)

Street Festival Most Worth the Pain in the Ass of Parking

Columbus Ohio IS Better Waterloo Art Fest Waterloo Arts Fest dancing in the streets lakewood Rubber buns and liquor Taste of Tremont Squire Field Tent Party The Cleveland Flea The pop up Sunday flea where you accidentally drunk Festivals are awful I like that Brite Winter (or whatever the name is). It’s freezing, the snow is blowing, bands are playing, etc. there’s a spirit of camarodity. Hessler Street Festival

Movie Theater easiest to sneak in alcohol and get fingered

Capitol Theater (cannot confirm fingering-ability, but big thumbs up on the booze) Columbus Ohio IS Better capitol The Capitol I got nuthin. Cinemark Valleyview (I once smuggled in a pint of ice cream) Dollar theater, Willoughby Rubber buns and liquor Capitol amc ridge park. they have these awesome new recliners Cinema on the square or the Capitol

Art Gallery in which you aren’t afraid to go into wearing sweat pants

Columbus Ohio IS Better doubting thomas tremont 78th st studios anything in Tremont Loren Naji Gallery! Salty Not Sweet Rubber buns and liquor Good Goat (mostly because my friend owns it) Forum

Bar with Jukebox not filled with hipster bullshit or Debbie Gibson

Columbus Ohio IS Better Don’t get out enough to know. But ABC jukebox isn’t bad . ABC Rubber buns and liquor park view Parkview Spitifire Zephyr in Kent or the Grog on a night there’s so show (which is never) 5 o’clock lounge

Cool Place for a Dance Party NOT FILLED WITH TURDS

Columbus Ohio IS Better Doesn’t exist in Cleveland Bounce (yes, Bounce) Squire Manor Secret Soul Club Secret Soul Rubber buns and liquor There are turds everywhere, but Secret Soul 5 O’Clock Again, clueless. duck island bar duck island

Dark Bar for Close Sitting and Hand Holding

Columbus Ohio IS Better Velvet Tango Room Stone Mad– fireplace or fire on patio K Le Petit Triangle LPP tremont La Cave du Vin Hell I don’t know. Rubber buns and liquor Lava Lounge Lava Lounge

Dive Bar filled with old men willing to buy me a drink

Little Kings Mars Bar! Watch for roofies. Columbus Ohio IS Better Casey Jones Anywhere with Zach Bruell ABC Gallagher’s in Westlake. Or the Winchester Rubber buns and liquor The Polish Club in Tremont duck island

Happy Hour that has some good ass HAPPY HOUR prices

Columbus Ohio IS Better Crop El Carnicero Hate to say this but Pier W. Their bar menu is half price and delicious. If you can stand the bar crowd. ABC Wednesday hh all day B Spot Pier W Rubber buns and liquor Lava Lounge again Farenheit

Restaurant for Romantic Lunching

Haven’t had one of those in years… Table 45 PJ’s Luncheonette Columbus Ohio IS Better L’abatross ? l’Albatross Le Petit Triangle Flap Jacks Rubber buns and liquor

Restaurant with lots of Vegetarian Options NOT ON THE EAST SIDE

anything in Rocky River Columbus Ohio IS Better India Garden and Szechuan Garden Johnny Mango’s Ohio City Aladdins Spice Rubber buns and liquor The Flaming Ice Cube Don’t give a shit. Flaming Ice Cube Beer Engine

Coffee Shop that you can understand whats on the menu and don’t need a translator

Columbus Ohio IS Better Lone Star Rising Star Moca Blackbird? sals on pearl road Loop I just drink it black anyway Rubber buns and liquor I like BonBon but it’s pricey. LOOP tremont

Best Breakfast Joint in Lakewood

The Shore Columbus Ohio IS Better Mahall’s Diner on Clifton Borderline Cafe but every time I go there they’re closed. Rubber buns and liquor My Friends (24/7 bitches!) My Friends The Shore my friends diner

Kick Ass Patio for Lounging

Columbus Ohio IS Better My place Johnny Mango/Reddstone (but don’t expect good service) Don’t know. Rubber buns and liquor 5 ‘O Clock Lounge Stone Mad Reddstone that god awful place downtown off the river… itts awful but the patio is to die for… Shooters. that place.

Place for Fancy Cocktails that aren’t 18 dollars

Toast Columbus Ohio IS Better Crop The Velvet Tango Room’s happy hour. All drinks are $10. And worth every dime. Society Lounge (not cheap but cheaper than others) Mahall’s Lava Lounge/BAC tremont Yeah Right Rubber buns and liquor Bricco, but they’re closed now Lava Lounge (again!) (Candra’s kitchen)


Columbus Ohio IS Better Bar Cento Sunnyside Fuckin’ Angelo’s! bar cento/bier market ohio city I have celiac disease. Thanks for fucking rubbing it in. Gillespie’s Map Room on W.9th. Angelo’s in Lakewood Edison’s Rubber buns and liquor Angelo’s, duhEDISONS!!!! Vero East of Chicago Pizza, but the only one i know of is out in Brunswick 😦

MEXICAN (food not like best mexican person in CLE)

Columbus Ohio IS Better La Mexicana, Painesville Cozumels out in Brunswick. 🙂 cozumel villa zapata Luchita’s Rubber buns and liquor it’s all shitty in CLE Orale Cozumel I love Orale because the put a twist on the usual Mexican fare.

Outdoor Something that’s cool to do

Columbus Ohio IS Better Walking on the Tow Path in the spring/summertime down in the valley. It’s very pretty. Rent a kayak, watch bike polo, go fishing off the pier out past Wendy island, take a walk in the metro parks or the cuyahoga valley natl park Sex on styrofoam plankBiking in the Metroparks or on the Towpath outdoors is gross Rubber buns and liquor Urban climbing Crank Set Rides themed bike rides edgewater park…get high and plat frisbee or…nap. Edgewater tow path Walk around downtown on a Sunday afternoon.

Thing to do on a Saturday that’s not Eating

Columbus Ohio IS Better fuck Squire’s Castle vintage shopping down Lorain CMA drinking Rubber buns and liquor bike ride I have no idea. I’ve had a retail store since 1983 and I swear I haven’t had a Sat. off in 30 years. See above Metroparks Cleveland museum of art, Cleveland Natural History Museum, Skyzone ( trampoline place, it’s really nifty), Bowling

Place you can hangout and NOT be seen

THAT’S MY SECRET, BETCHES Columbus Ohio IS Better The Hawk Literary Cafe the mall? your own goddamn bedroom Bearden’s My apt. Rubber buns and liquor My house Reddstone


Unique Columbus Ohio IS Better Nook & Cranny Crappy little shops on Lorain Ave.none I know good luck, this ain’t NYC or Detwah, yo Salty Not Sweet Rubber buns and liquor “Useful Junk” in Sullivan, OH Value World anywhere in Lorain

Vintage shop with JUNK STOREish prices

Columbus Ohio IS Better A Separate Reality Unique on a Monday Deering Doesn’t exist? None I know of. They’re all out of business. Salty Not Sweet Rubber buns and liquor AGAIN, NOT SHARING THAT ONE NEITHA Future No Future Suite Lorain!

Liquor Store where you can buy weird shit

Columbus Ohio IS Better Professor Mart (they have a meat counter) Abbey Market on Abbey -BAM! Rubber buns and liquor Red, Wine, and Brew Don ‘t know but I love weird shit. Zagara’s Simones

Anything I missed that should be on the best of list??

Best bartender Columbus Ohio IS Better Best comedian = Chad Zumock Palookaville (not the most romantic lunching, but damn good chili) YOU! Smoothies Can’t think of a damn thing. I went out last night and Aunt Cindy had too much medicine. I’m in a fog today. best boutique: Salty Not Sweet for awesome quirky gifts that aren’t overtly hipster nor dumbass priveleged suburbian brat expensive! Agora, best place to get drunk and see music Brian Kenny


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