Wine (Blood) Moon
The astrological skies are thick with change right now, so thick I think we all might feel like we’re just walking through a cloud of shit pudding. I know I do.
April 15th was the blood moon so I decided all my ladies should get together and burn away anything we’re holding on to and get a fresh start and perspective. I think there were 15 of us there to support, chat, eat, and be friends. (and wine OH THE WINE) New friendships were sparked and existing ones were strengthened through a mutual realization that release is necessary for healing and moving forward.
I am so thankful to have such a powerful group of friends with me on this weird journey we’re all taking. Thank you friends. You’re all amazing and I know that no matter what I could call any one of you at any time and you’d be there and I hope you all know I’d do the same for you. (hold on ladies, April 23 is the peak of all this craziness and May skies promise to be friendlier)
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL.
The one without a title.
I’ve been leaning on my friends and family pretty heavily these days just to keep myself standing upright. I’ve always known that the people that I’ve kept close to me are extraordinary people but this past month they’ve made themselves even more indispensable. Each one of them is like the spark of a match striking itself alive on my soul. I couldn’t be more appreciative for the support, the chats, the invites, and the love.
I hope you all tell the people you love that you love them often because what’s the point of not telling them?
Thanks guys.
One ending
I had to put my letterpress up for sale for a few reasons recently and it really sucks to say the least. I had lots of interest with people making plans to come from D.C. and Chicago but today a young girl from southern Ohio beat them all.
She met me at the studio with her grandpa, a man who had spent 40 years being a printer and a man who reminded me so dearly of my own grandpa that it hurt watching them together. They came together to check out the press and ended up making me an offer on the spot- something I totally was not expecting. Not only did they come with an offer, they came with an empty van so in a matter of 2 hours a chapter of my life closed unexpectedly. I know I only had the letterpress for a few short years, but I loved her (her name was Linda) and I thought we would have more time together. The same could be said for a lot of things in life so make sure you appreciate all you love while you still have it. Objects, people, even the plans you had for them because anything can end without your permission and once they’re gone they’re gone.
As they were leaving her grandpa turned to me and almost whispered a small simple sentence that hit me right in the heart like a train I could never have seen coming. “We all move on don’t we?”
Trust
I’ve often wondered if I’ve ever been in the presence of a murderer or some other really bad character and I didn’t even know it. I have pretty strong intuitions that I try to pay attention to but I’ve wondered if you can push that down for the sake of being polite or helpful. I’ve wondered if I’ve ever been in danger but then something changed quickly and whatever plan this horrible person had in mind was thwarted by something and all the while I had no idea.
Last night I went to the movies alone pretty close to my house. It’s a smaller theater so there weren’t many people in the movie with me and the staff was limited. After the movie around 10:30 I got up to leave and I was the only one leaving. I know they have reclining seats but come on guys, it’s time to go home. So I left alone. As I walked out in my sweatpants and winter coat I was approached by a man. I was uneasy instantly and as I looked around there was not a soul in sight. He came up and asked if I worked there, I said I didn’t and quickly went for the door but I could see his reflection right behind me. If you’re looking for an employee you’re going to go find one, not walk right out immediately. I could feel something was wrong and I walked as fast as I could to the parking lot hoping to find people milling about. Again, not a soul. Empty parking lot with closed businesses. The feeling of something evil lurking was palpable. I searched my pockets for anything I could use as a weapon but all I had were keys so I grabbed on and walked faster. I finally reached my car and started to get in when he went behind the car next to me where I couldn’t see him. Just as I was about to close the door he popped up closer and asked what movie I saw. I shut the doors quickly and locked them and got out of there as fast as possible. As I watched to make sure he didn’t follow he just sat there in his car without moving.
I’ve been in plenty of situations alone with weirdos that can make you uneasy but this was different. I could feel the intentions and I know I’ve never been closer to real danger than that. It scares me to know that just because your body can feel things like that coming it doesn’t mean you’re safe. What could I have really done if he attacked? We take it for granted that we’re safe and something like that could never happen but it can, and does everyday. I’ll be safer next time with some kind of weapon, pepper spray, pocket knife, or a fucking AK47.
So friends hopefully you don’t blow this off, let’s all take it as a reminder to trust our instincts and be prepared to kick some predatory ass.
Valentine shmalentines
There’s too much pressure to perform on Valentine’s Day like we are a bunch of god damn romance robots. Out of the blue my husband decided he’s going to be super romantic and sexy today and then he remembered that tomorrow is valentines so he chose today as our valentines celebration. Me? I thought we were going snow tubing tomorrow as planned in an effort to be pressure free.
Once you decide that a certain day must be romantic and the most special ever you’re already setting yourself up for disappointment. These days no matter how well you’re knocking it out of the park you think back to The Notebook and then you’re fucked.
So my man said some beautiful things to me this morning and then later sort of gave away that he was planning a valentines evening tonight and as happy as I was about it the pressure set in. You need an outfit, you need an under outfit, you need to say the perfect things and underneath all that you need to shave every mother fucking thing. It’s god damn winter and mama ain’t seen the light of day in a good long while. So this makes the pressure of the thing almost too much.
So after work I went on the hunt for some frilly underthings. All the while I felt like I should also be buying a fishing pole just to balance shit out. I mean I would have returned it later cause there is no way no how I’m fishing but you can’t just buy lady underpants and shaving cream without everyone knowing you’re actually a huge boy trying to impress someone on Valentines.
The whole time I was creeping around the underwear section I could just feel in my bones I was going to run into someone so of course I did. The girl
I ran into I don’t know well at all but we had some jokes and laughs and then real discussions about the task at hand and in the end she gave me a fantastic idea and pointed me in the right direction. (Thanks amber)
So I got home and not only did bill bring pizza but also a giant gift bag of things for me. I had no idea we were gifting each other and mother of shit he did so good. So in the giant hot pink gift bag (he totally learned how to gift from me) was fancy boot socks, Reece’s cups, 2 bottles of red wine cause come on, skin oil , a kick ass book, and a card. He not only bought a card but wrote something beautiful.
Needless to say the night was beautiful, I got a little cranky because of the pressure ( sorry babe I really do love and appreciate everything you did) and then I got to reflect, write, and watch parks and rec after while he slept.
In summary don’t put pressure on your day of romance today. Do something kind for your person without an expectation of anything in return and you can’t go wrong. If you don’t have a person currently just do something nice. Some small act of kindness to let someone know for right now in this moment someone cares makes that person feel important and amazing and then through making others happy, you can be happy.
For love to last it must evolve.
– W.S. Squire
This post is dedicated to my newly evolved and romantic husband who cries at the drop of a Lego and I’ve never loved him more than I do right now.
Best of Cleveland Results
Ya’ll are ridiculous and I love you.
BEST OF CLEVELAND! (word for word just like I got the responses)
Street Festival Most Worth the Pain in the Ass of Parking
Movie Theater easiest to sneak in alcohol and get fingered
Art Gallery in which you aren’t afraid to go into wearing sweat pants
Bar with Jukebox not filled with hipster bullshit or Debbie Gibson
Cool Place for a Dance Party NOT FILLED WITH TURDS
Dark Bar for Close Sitting and Hand Holding
Dive Bar filled with old men willing to buy me a drink
Happy Hour that has some good ass HAPPY HOUR prices
Restaurant for Romantic Lunching
Restaurant with lots of Vegetarian Options NOT ON THE EAST SIDE
Coffee Shop that you can understand whats on the menu and don’t need a translator
Best Breakfast Joint in Lakewood
Kick Ass Patio for Lounging
Place for Fancy Cocktails that aren’t 18 dollars
PIZZA
MEXICAN (food not like best mexican person in CLE)
Outdoor Something that’s cool to do
Thing to do on a Saturday that’s not Eating
Place you can hangout and NOT be seen
JUNK SHOP with JUNK SHOP PRICES
Vintage shop with JUNK STOREish prices
Liquor Store where you can buy weird shit
Anything I missed that should be on the best of list??
I have a few
Yesterday I found out that my grandmother died. By the time I found this out she had been dead in her apartment for 2-3 days. The last time I saw or spoke to her was at my grandfathers funeral 5 years ago and before that day it had been 5 more years.
I was always her favorite. Even though I lived in Ohio and she was in Texas I always knew it. When I was 20 I moved to Houston and had a close relationship with her for a few years before things got strained. She never hurt me directly but what happened did result in the end of our relationship.
I always thought I was living without regrets but I now know that I have some. The thing that weighs the heaviest on me right now is about a year ago she found me on facebook and added me as a friend. I waited for months trying to figure out what to do before I declined the request. I do not know why I did that. It’s not like I was mad at her or hated her but I guess I was indifferent. What I don’t understand is why. I guess it’s easier for me to write people off instead of worry about them. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, at least I hope it is because otherwise it turns out I’m a real asshole.
I think about what I would have said to her if I did send her a message or accept her request. Just the usual catching up stuff I’m sure but it would have only been one-sided. Clearly I didn’t care how she was and it was a relationship I felt I didn’t need otherwise I would have pursued it, what’s making me sad about it is maybe she did need that. Would it have been that hard for me to just give her that? I don’t know. I’ll never know and that’s my regret.
My lesson that I’m taking away from this is that we should think about our relationships, good, bad, or strained and figure out if they’re worth the time and if they are fix them, make them better, and just be good to people because even though you might not need them, maybe they need you.
Best of Cleveland
I have made of list of things I really want to know about Cleveland from anyone who is reading this. I don’t care about almost everything that’s on all the other Best of Cleveland Lists because they’re all dumb. If you think Malley’s is better than Lily’s I DO NOT want to hear from you.
Please CLICK THIS LINK and nominate your favorite places so I can see what the real Best of Cleveland is.
Thank you and good day.
NOMINATE YOUR BEST OF CLEVELAND HERE
2013 A Year in Review I Guess
2013 was a year of changes with a little bit of stay the sames mixed in.
I started the year off working for myself for the first time with no safety net of a “regular job”. In February Bill starting working for a corporation and not for himself for the first time since I’ve known him. That was a pretty big adjustment for both of us and we had to try to figure out how to live together full time for the first time even though we had been together for 5 years.
In March I finally got Bill to come out to LA with me so I could show him the wonders of a 70 degree year round life. He gets it now! WOOHOO. Now to find our way out there. That’s the trick.
In May Skylar turned 14 and the realization that she only had 4 more years of a kid life with us proved to be too much. Bill and I cried the night away like 2 fools. Well, that and the series finale of the Office was also that night.
Summer Summer Summer.
Back to school started with me deciding to home school Skylar. It’s actually going well. She’s getting good grades for the first time!
October we moved to Lakewood, into a big beautiful house where the kids finally have their own rooms and I have a 6 mile drive to work. Fallyn and J braved their way to new schools and they have to walk there for the first time in their lives. It kicks ass and we love it here.
November we celebrated 5 years of marriage with a bunch of our awesome friends and a lot of rape juice. A week after that I turned 35. Does anyone ever feel their age? I don’t.
December got weird and I came the closest I’ve ever come to ending my marriage. I believe in fighting for someone you love but it also reminded me that I’m worth fighting for too and I felt stronger than ever after I remembered that. In the end we decided to stay together but it feels really good to not be afraid of losing Bill anymore because if that ever does happen, yes it will be shitty and I will be sad but then I’ll be ok again.
So what I’ve learned this year is that everything is temporary and life will never stop going all the way up and then dropping you all the way down so just to slow down and appreciate the good times and brave your way through the hard times because no matter what there will always be another good thing waiting for you just around the corner.
Ain’t buying this bullshit
candrasquire.com 