and that’s why they’re so GOD DAMN NARROW.
I am so sick of these crazy religious people and all their holier-than-thou bullshit.
I believe in freedom. Freedom of religion and freedom to make your own choices. Where is all the peace, love, and acceptance or is that only for those who believe and act just as you do?
I am raising my girls to believe that everyone is equal. They are told what I believe and they are also told there are other ways, other beliefs and they can figure out what rings true TO THEM and follow their own path. They are told that they should treat people how they would like to be treated. They have freedom to say how they feel without fear that they shouldn’t.
I don’t understand for the life of me why when people are involved in a church (not all people) they think their way is the only way. I wonder, do these people ever ask questions? Do they ever wonder why they are going to this church or do they just do it because their parents did and they, along with the church has scared them to death with all the threats that they are too afraid to not go?
I don’t know why you would want to be a part of something that threatens you with a vengeful god or repercussions for not going to church or watching porn or masturbating or swearing or or or or or or the list goes on so long it’s ridiculous.
I don’t understand it at all, but if it’s what you believe then I respect it.
If you find something you truly believe that’s great but i don’t get why they can’t accept anyone else for who they are or what they believe.
If you go to a church but look down on everyone else because they don’t think and act like you you are an asshole.
If you go to church on Sunday but then Monday it’s back to gambling, drinking, drugs, and beating your kids but think it’s ok because you go to church again on Sunday and are forgiven, you are an asshole.
If you think my girls are going to grow up to be nothing because they don’t go to your church,
then shame on you.

Listen, I don’t even like to talk on my cell when I am in a public space much less a public bathroom. People just plop down next to me all the while talking on the horn like nobody can hear every vibrating word or the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t hear the toilets flushing.
Today the girl next to me was on her phone and she sits down to pee and it sounded like goddamn niagara falls and she’s talking to her boyfriend who is WAITING DOWNSTAIRS. She had to tell him right then while she was peeing, i love you, i’ll see you downstairs. Come on ladies.
I don’t think guys do this unless they are holding the phone with their shoulder. I don’t think they’re doing that. Hey dude, listen to this stream. Probably not.
Listen, I pee on the phone when im at home so I guess its not really the peeing on the phone i have a problem with. I just don’t understand why I have to listen you you tell your boyfriend what your plans are for the day. Im trying to pee can we just do it in awkward silence interrupted by the occasional fart followed be me laughing at whoever just did the sit down and fart move?

Remember when you decided that you were going out on the weekends with your friends? You’d talk about what you’re going to wear and where you were going. You’d get to your friends house and be real loud and drink whatever mixture of alcohol and fruit juice you had in the house so by the time you got to the bar you were already good and liquored up and you’d only have to buy one drink. Unless you found some guy that really thought he was getting some.
I don’t want to go to a bar with my 30+ year old friends and drink. I get a headache and i’d rather just lay in my bed and watch tv. Remember when being 19 and seeing those ladies at the bar with their high jeans and handbags? You laughed at them and wondered why the hell they were even there.
The thought of putting on some fancy pants and sitting with a 12 dollar martini and watching 19 year old girls bounce around makes me want to burn out my eyes. I don’t want to smell the colognes of 150 dudes who whisk past me to get a better view of the 19 year old bouncy girls. I don’t want to be some guys dare. Dude, if you go talk to that old lady and try to get her to show her boobs i’ll buy your drinks all night. Come on, it’d be hilarious.
The bar is so loud and I don’t know any of the music. I don’t have any dance moves. And on the off chance I do get accidentally drunk no one wants to see me wrapping my muffin top around whatever pole or dude i can find. I have no rhythm, do you really think that gets better the more drinks you have?

I guess we could always go to those hometown type bars with the game machines, some old man and white russians.
It reminds me of being in high school.

Friday Squire and company recorded their fancy new cd’s and it was a good time. Renner came out and helped me be the ticket lady. Jen came out the jakprints gang. We drank some beers, had some laughs, and made a few plans.
Saturday Bill and I took adderal and our big plan was to clean the hell out of the house whilst all souped up.
We cleaned the house, did laundry, squire watched the hell out of Deck the Halls (devito and broderick) and I did both my assignments for my classes this week. Oh yeah, but 1030 he was doing a show and I was asleep with marc summers from Unwrapped.
Today we went to the nature realm with my dad and I tried to take some nice pictures of the girls. That never works out so instead we fed altoids to the fish in the pond there.
Then I folded clothes and squire watched football. The good times keep rolling.
Basically, i got nothing to say.

because i don’t know if this is my theory or this is a well known thing.
I was thinking about how they say women hit their sexual peak in their 30’s.
Is it because of all the crazy hormones? It has nothing to do with women in their 30’s feel comfortable in their skin, they are settled they are this or that.
It’s because we are damn crazy people.
I have noticed in the last couple years that I have really bad PMS. I want to kill everyone during that time. I also notice that when im ovulating I am all about going to town.
It’s not us women wanted to have sex with our raggedy men, it’s our damn bodies tricking us into doing it so it can get pregnant. When time starts coming to a close for our baby making days thats when the hormones kick in full force and try to pregnant it up. This takes place in our 30’s. See where Im going here?
We don’t want to have sex with you, our uterus just wants babies. Even if we consciously don’t want them subconsciously our hormones are saying, oh your man is looking particularly handsome today, don’t you want to get you some?
Then we think, oh yeah I do want to get me some. Then you get some and you’re feeling good until you look at the calendar and realize for the love of god it’s my fertile day. Then you spend the next 2 weeks in hell waiting for your trusty period to come, trying to will it so. Ok god, I swear if I get my period I will never have unprotected sex again, better yet I will never ever have sex again. Just please don’t let me be pregnant.
2 weeks later…
Sweet Mary Mother of god, I got my period!! Thank you lord jesus christ I will go to church on Sunday.
3 weeks later…
You fuckin retard, we’re breaking up cause your ugly and I can’t stand your ass.
1 week later
He looks handsome, Im going to get me some.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Sweet jesus i can’t stand calling into a call center and trying to talk to people. nothing will make me change into a crazy person faster than calling into a call center because there is something wrong with my internet or cable and trying to explain to these indian jackasses what is going on. I randomly came across this …
http://media.putfile.com/AOL-Cancellation
All this guy wanted to do was cancel AOL. Have any of you ever tried to cancel AOL? It’s miserable. MISERABLE.
When strauss makes me call the att dudes I get mad, throw the phone, and i am a horrible troll to this people. I hate them. Im sorry that they have to work that job.
aside from that I have had a headache since saturday and it’s really bringing me down. I skipped class to come home and lay in bed. I am so tired but I can’t sleep cause it hurts.
Remember I said that I had something to write but I couldn’t figure out what it was?
Well I still don’t know.
Bill has his CD recording on Friday so if you’re reading this, you should come. It’s going to be a good show plus I’ll be there and Im a damn good time.
Is anyone else sad that hef and the girls broke up? I know I am.
So this past weekend I went with my friend wilhelmina to help her in her booth at the Universal Light Expo. We had a good time. There were many weirdos. The guy 2 booths down did some kind weird massage in which he lays you on the table but then crawls on top of his clients and twists are whirls the client and himself all around. All for the bargin price of $49 for 20 mins. The show was in columbus and god, what a different feeling than cleveland. Columbus feels like it actually sustains life. There were people outside and people living there and working there and shopping. In cleveland, no one lives in the city. There is no life. You can feel it in the air that it’s dead. There is no industry, no jobs and without that there no reason to live here. What is holding people here? Relationships I guess, but can’t we all move somewhere that we can prosper? What opportunities could possibly be here? I am really feeling lost but what the hell else is new? Do you think that once we actually do find our peace that’s when we up and die?
Ah finally happy, finally settled, finally peaceful.
Oh shit.
RIP

I am in Columbus this weekend and i was walking down the street last night on this unusually warm october night and i started thinking. i’ve been to a lot of places so far in this life.
I spent my 19th birthday in the southern mountains of arizona with joshy jarvis and bre.
I lived in Houston and one of the best things about that city is the museums. They have really great ones. In New Orleans I have danced, learned, and drank. In New orleans I have also gotten mugged, fought with a crazy bum, and drove home with a hangover. Thankfully these all weren’t in one trip.
You know I’ve been no stranger to Orlando.
I have wandered new york city in all the seasons but fall is my favorite.
I have seen the big shiny bean in Chicago.
I ate some cuban breakfast in Miami.
I have see the lights in Vegas and escaped them by way of the red rock canyon.
I have seen the big fish thrown through the air at Pikes Place Market in Seattle.
Sat in josh’s backyard in Portland.
I have seen every mile of the oregon coast.
I jumped off a cliff into Crater Lake in Oregon.
I laughed in the Redwoods on misty mornings.
I have camped with my best friend in Santa Barbara and proceeded to get rip roaring drunk.
I have layed on venice beach, spied on celebrities in santa monica and smelled the tar pits on labrea.
I missed a plane in San Diego.
I have spent time in the ATL with the lester clan.
I have watched the icy falls of niagara in february.
I have tracked up 40 steps in newport, ri.
I hope everyone has wanderlust and I know I do.

october 9th always resonates and reminds me. Any other date in October and I forget all about it but if you say ninth after october it comes back. i remember the flight, the outfit, the thoughts and the exact joke that was made. It was a long drive to the hospital, all three cramped into the front of the truck.
Once we arrived i saw my mom numb and crying with pills and shock. I sat with my friend and waited for it to be over. I would not go into the room. A million aching hours later we headed back to the truck, back to the road but never back to normal.

Im remembering my brother today.

I have words stuck somewhere in my body and its making me crazy. there is some kind of story or something trying to come out and I have no idea what it is. its just sitting there taunting me. i keep sitting down to write it but it won’t come out so i force myself to blog hoping it might escape the depths of where ever its buried. its not happening and its giving me anxiety.
oh you miserable little story , you little quip. i hate you.
you give me heartburn.

Why do you want something called Nipple Pliers? The only thing clamping down on these nipples is a newborn. Don’t try to clamp, bite, or pinch these babies or I will clamp and punch your face.

Giant butt plug? I never understood what these things were for until I read the description. “Great for painless stretching and adjusting to having any girth inside. Just the toy to use before a date. ” In all my years I don’t believe I ever stretched my ass prior to a date, but I guess thats just me.

Ok this you don’t put in anywhere, but I was just wondering where do you put this ass? Would you need to hold the ass or could you just put it up on the counter and go to town. Where do you store your ass?

First of all, where are you putting the KONG? It is certainly not attending my business meeting. And for the love of god, why does it have hairy balls?

Now this one I have never seen before. This one you are supposed to fill with whatever liquid you want and when you’re ready you squeeze the deal and it faux-jaculates. Give me just a small damn break. One of the attractions of a vibrator is that you have no messy cleanup. What are you going to fill that with anyway? Whip cream? no- yeast infection, jelly? no- seeds, i guess sugar free jello. But then do you really want to be walking around the next day with blue raspberry jello rolling out?

A hand? a whole hand? No, i have a hand. What I don’t have is a whirly twirly vibrator. I don’t want a damn hand. You’re going to use your real hand to hold a fake hand that rubs your business? No thank you.

Edible Underwear? I throw squires underwear in the washer as fast as possible so I don’t accidentally see anything. You think im going to eat something i have to peel off his ass?

Just get this. Eager Beaver is cheap easy quick it doesn’t squirt and it does the job.
I need to work for a sex toy store or maker. The world does not need plastic hands to put in places. Do we really need to stretch our asses before a date? I hope not.