Ok, Ok. The comedian is the man in my life right now so maybe I’m partial. I love mine, but here are some reasons it may not be a good idea to get involved with a comedian.

1. They are on the road doing shows all the time. Which leaves you with a loneliness you might fill with things like drinking, and watching re runs of Full House.

2. They have a hard time being serious. Have you ever tried to have a serious conversation with someone who is taking what you are saying and turning it into a bit at that very moment?

3. They are always have some sort of mental problem. They think they aren’t worthy of love but shamelessly promote themselves.

4. You have to support their comedy even though it means sitting through Dave Coulier’s set too.

5. Your entire life will end up as a joke in his act.

I love him though. Even if people are laughing at the fact that I like cats in hats.

Where is he now??

Either laying in bed with a laptop and a remote or telling jokes to people but most certainly not cleaning anything in the house.

This one is a borrowed story from my friend “Elisabeth Winchester”.
She met this charming man whilst working as an overnight stocker at a wal mart. She was 19 and working while she went to college, he was 27 and working there to support his wife and young son. As she came to work every night he disarmed her with his sweet metallica shirts and his ever so handsome lazy eye. What was a girl to do? Mostly he was just a nice guy who had a lot of sob stories about how mean his wife was and was probably very lonely. She eventually started dating ,if you can call it that, this guy. He was telling her what she needed to hear, I love you, I’m leaving her and the popular You’re the one.
Finally his wife found out what was going on, promptly and without warning to Elisabeth moved them out of state with no forwarding information whatsoever.
She was left with no man. What she did gain however was a very real ulcer.
Thanks Tom Potts you dirty piece of stink.

Where is he now??

We have no idea. Most likely somewhere in PA. Living with his wife and a beaten down and mostly crushed soul.

Ah the sugar daddy. It always seems like something you would want. Let me say, no it is something you DO NOT want.
It started innocently, me doing some work for him nothing big. Then he would want to have lunch or coffee or anything that involved me hanging out with him. He tried to get me to come spend weekends at his place. Then he starting giving me things like spa weekends. He wanted to take me shopping and keep me like a pet. I told him many many many times that no, I was not interested and I didn’t want a boyfriend.
He was very jealous of the other men in my life. It all came to a very dramatic end when he unexpectedly stopped by my house (keep in mind he lived 2 hours away!) and found Bill’s car in the driveway. He said he had seen enough and was finally giving up on us being together. I asked why the hell he was at my house anyway, and he said he was dropping off flowers for me. Don’t they have local flower delivery services for that? CREEPY.
Ladies, if you have a guy dropping off flowers and wanting to take you shopping it’s not always a good thing. It just might be a 50 year old creepy dentist looking to keep you as a project.

Where is he now??

Same place with only the occasional email telling me how smart, hilarious, creative, and passionate I am. Gimme a break dude.

After getting out of a marriage with a real crazy person finding someone normal seemed great. I went to high school with the normal guy and he always seemed nice. When I met back up with him after getting divorced I immediately snatched him up. We moved in together within a month. He liked to go to work and come home and do things like mow the grass, take out the garbage, pay his bills, and get ready to do it all again the next day. This seems fantastic and believe me, I spent 3 years with this guy and it was a cakewalk for me. You are wondering right now what the hell the problem was. If you are a woman who is happy to make one man the only person you need in your life, a woman who has nothing but their day to talk about, a woman who wants to live everyday exactly the same then there is no problem.
He lotioned his feet constantly. To ward off ingrown toenails he had a tool kit that consisted of a mini screwdriver, a pocket knife and nail clippers which he used to dig out and around each toenail leaving 10 bloody stump nails behind. He would lay out his clothes for the next day every single night even though he wore a uniform. He would lose his mind if there was dirt on the drive way and wash it. If he let anyone borrow money he would talk about it every single day. His myspace quote for a year was “PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR”.
There is nothing more to say about this one. That last sentence explains it all.

Where is he now??

Living with is parents, in what he calls his bachelor pad.

I met the smart kid online and we talked for a few months before we met. He was really cute and studying to be a doctor. He would talk about all kind of science type things that were really advanced and usually I would have no idea what he was talking about which made him seem above me sort of. Then I would meet up with him and he would always wear the oddest pants. I mean he was a totally adorable kid with these dimples and this huge brain and then have on pleated pants. I could never figure him out. He was kind of awkward as well. He would be all science business talk and then say something like you want to get on my meat? Um no I don’t but thanks for asking.

Where is he now??

Living in Florida, attending medical school and working in a research lab. Occsionally he still sends and IM asking if I want to watch a little something he likes to call pants party.
The answer is still no.

The first boyfriend after my divorce was a guy I knew back in school as a really nice guy, but yes a little insane. I remember once walking into an art class with my friend to find this kid hanging in the air with another kid who looked like Wood Harrelson in Natural Born Killers holding him by the collar. He didn’t care, he’d say anything to anyone. He liked to drink and fight and do what boys do.
When I met him, it took him 3 weeks to kiss me because he said that we could just take our time. The first place we ever went was the beach at sunset. He brought me flowers and took me on real dates and was always a perfect gentleman. Once we were out and we ran into 2 girls we had gone to school with so we hung out and played pool. When he went to the bathroom the girls said to me, this is NOT the guy we know. He doesn’t seem like himself at all. Man I was lucky. I ended up with this guy who had completely changed for the better.
Then I had to go back to Texas for a couple months to finish my divorce and pack my things. That’s when his alter ego left and the old personality resurfaced. Suddenly he was getting drunk, calling me and crying that he doesn’t know where he is and he wants to die. I mean, i know Im good but that good?
Then one night he calls up says he doesn’t care about me and that it’s over.
And just like that, my relationship with those 2 boys was over.

Where is he now??

Strange thing about this one, he really disappeared about 2 years ago. I know that after I told him I was engaged he got really weird. I know he bought a house with a girl and he probably married her. I wonder how many people she is living with?

I have been in a lot of situations but I have always been treated really gently and lady like, I don’t know if that’s the word in the bedroom, if you know what Im saying.
I started dating this guy after my first break up post divorce so this was the I will just go out with you and hang out with you guy. The guy you don’t want a relationship with you just want someone to be with sometimes guy. So we are dating for a few weeks and one night he wanted me to go back to his place. I had never been there and I didn’t really want to go there yet so I said no. Then be brought out the big guns. He said oh you know, I have a 6 week old puppy at my house. God damn it if that doesn’t work everytime.
So we go back to his house and things start happening and I heard a sentence I have never heard anyone say to me in my life. Im not saying it on here too many people read this, but I got mad. Then I did it anyway and it ended up being kind of fun. It just went all kinds of ways from there. For Valentines Day, I ended up with some kind of sex toy. I was not happy about it. The night he called me his girlfriend I promptly broke up with him. I can’t be with a dirty sex talking, sex toy for valentines day, bad pit bull tattoo having guy.

Where is he now??

Living in a camper in some Texas backwoods next to the house he has been building for 4 years.

So we have been trying to buy a house and yesterday I found out it’s not happening. I am really sad and mad and I hate it. So Bill asked me how I feel and the word is unsettled. I feel unsettled. I don’t want to bother doing anything because why really move into a place you just have to move out of?
Then he asked a bigger question, have you ever felt settled?
The answer is no. Oh my god, I have never in my life felt settled. Is that weird? Does anyone? Are we supposed to?
That’s what I want. I want to feel settled. I want to feel connected to a place. I want something that feels like mine. I want to want to be in a place. I want to love it and make it someplace warm. I want my kids to feel settled.
How the hell do I do that?

Holy Shit, I married this guy??

I was 19, just out of the army and really missing #4. I missed a relationship, so I jumped right into this one without looking at all. He seemed fantastic. Job, car, lots of money, and a great family.
Wait, as soon as I moved in he suddenly needed a car, and had no money, and he got evicted, and his family doesn’t know anything about the guy he lies so much.
I don’t even have energy to go into all the crazy about this guy because I could have an entire website dedicated to his insanity.
I will say if you see haldol in a guys bathroom, please fucking RUN.

Where is he now??

Living in Jacksonville, FL not paying child support.

The Solider

We met in the army and we were DESPERATELY in love. We started dating right before we were both about to be shipped out. He made his first move in such a suave manner it really has yet to be topped. I was working at the front desk and he brought down his bedsheet, put it in my desk and said please watch this and don’t let anyone take it. He came back later in the day to reclaim his sheet and a beautiful thing began.
Two nights before we were scheduled to leave our post he spent the night in my room for a romantic evening. I mean yes my roommate was 6 feet away in her bed being kept away by our sweet Boyz II Men end of the road sad goodbye music blasting but it was amazing nonetheless. When first light hit, he was convinced he needed to jump out the window to make his getaway. I asked him to wait but alas he did not. He immediately ran into a SGT who turned him in. His punishment was all night duty on my floor. We spent a last teary night sitting in a computer room talking about our love.
The next morning I went home and he went to his new duty station in New York.
That is not the end of our story. We had a long distance relationship for months afterward. Those always end up great. We ended up going our separate ways.
In the military it should really be a law that everyone have aliases, that way you can have your flings but you can’t get in a real relationship and you can certainly not get married. Those things just don’t work out. You might end up with a crazy person who leaves their kids and moves 4000 miles away only to dress up in strange costumes and sit around and just be illiterate.
If you are in the military or a military town, get an alias.

Where is he now??

We’re still friends, he just got out of the army and lives in FL. Actually he met his wife in the army. HHHMMM? That’s weird. She seems great and they look crazy happy. Maybe just forget all the other stuff I said.