a long time ago i had a cavity in my second to last tooth on the top. While prying my wisdom teeth out with a damn crobar 2 years ago the dentist cracked said tooth. I then had to get a root canal that resulted in me ending up with TMJ. That dentist neglected to put a cap on the newly rooted and filled with cement hole in my head, resulting with a raggedy tooth for the past year. Well saturday my luck ran out and it’s all broken and the rest of the giant cement wad came out leaving a gaping hole in my head. I am deathly afraid of dentists and now I need to find a new one because i have been banned from my previous dentist because i skipped out on 2 appointments. Both legitimate, the first time I forgot and called that day but it was too late, it had to be 24 hours in advance and the 2nd time i forgot again but I had changed my number so they couldn’t call me. So now im sitting here with pain going down into my throat and up into my temple. It’s really bringing me down.
I was reminded of a story yesterday about my mom while listening to zumock tell a joke about jail.
A couple years ago my brother was in jail and my mom really wanted me to take her up there for visiting hours and i really didn’t want to take her because well, she’s my mom. So I pick her up and she is drinking one of the big cans of beer and she isn’t finished so she insists on bringing the beer with her. We arrived at the jail and she left the can in my car. We go in, give our id’s, and wait. she starts pacing around and being loud. The next thing I know she is beating on the window yelling why cant I see my son? The waiting room is full of people and she is squaking like a chicken. I wanted to kick her asshole right in, but I just sat there pretending to not know her. Finally we got back to see my brother and it’s the classic sit at a cubical and talk on the phone deal which is really weird. So we’re talking for a few minutes and all the sudden I see 2 cops come in the waiting room and I felt it in my bones and i’ll be damned if they didn’t call her name. Right before my very eyes did god lay a wonderous gift upon me, my mother the yelling asshole was arrested on some kind of old warrants. It was sweet sweet justice.
I laughed, said see ya later to my brother, went out to my car and dumped her stupid beer and drove myself home.

I was just in the bathroom taking my pants off to put on some sweet PJ pants and I was standing in front of the full length mirror. I happened to look up and I said to myself out loud WHAT THE HELL. Upon closer inspection the crotch of my underwear is ripped out like someone had a bite. These things are new! It’s like the 4th time I’ve worn them. They didn’t have giant crotch hole when I put them on. I have no idea how the crotch of my underwear could rip open, exposing all my business and I didn’t even know. I really laughed hard.
OMG what if my pants are ripped there too and my garbage can was flapping in the wind all day, including dinner with bill’s family?
I have to go check my britches.

When you leave one place to move to another and you have to say goodbye to them, do you think its so hard because deep down your brain knows nothing will ever be the same. You go away and you have new experiences and learn and see things you never saw before and it changes who you are. That’s why i think it’s so important for people to travel as much as possible. I don’t understand how anyone could never have a desire to go anywhere else. I have a desire to go everywhere.
My friend Gerry just stopped by and that guy is always an inspiration to just take it all in, meet as many people, and go as many places as you can. He can make the best out of any situation and I have never seen him with anything less than a positive take it easy attitude. He will just pick up and travel alone which i think is really cool. To be able to have a good time with or without someone is foreign to me and I hope to be able to do that one day. He is going into the wilderness for the rest of the year to build a cabin for someone and plans to live in a camper on the guy’s property. Crazy, but I totally get it.
One lesson I learned this evening from Gerry was always just get the free phone when getting a new phone. He opted for some sales special and paid money for a tiny little phone with a screen on each side that he can’t work and it’s a pain in the ass. So the lesson is don’t be a fancy pants, just be cheap and happy.
Happy Trails.

Oh Mike and Melissa Medsker, where do I even start? I believe they met when she was 16 and he was 26. I was already at least a year old. They finally moved in together when I was 4 so I went to live with them. I don’t know if they ever got along because I never remember them doing so. They would fight like crazy people all the time and it was always around dinner time when my dad would come home after drinking. I think it just made her mad because she wasn’t the one out drinking and it made her feel like she was missing the party. Anyway, he would come home, piss her off and every single time she would slam her plate down somewhere and say something like, fine Im not eating! What the hell did he care if she didn’t eat? Still to this day if she is mad at him she will punish herself. One more recent story is they were fighting about something and she went running down the highway like a crazy person and hitchhiked somewhere. She is 44 and Im pretty sure this was last year.
They finally got divorced when I was 11 and she moved out and my dad kept all 3 kids. So then she started with the drinking and drugs and moving from place to place BS. They don’t like each other I don’t know why they won’t admit it. Through all the years if she ever needed anything she came to my dad and he would do whatever it is she wanted. Then after my brother died 5 years ago she came to his house to be with my kids and pretty much never left. They moved to FL together and every week I get a phone call from my dad telling me my mom drank rum and she’s mean and he has to get away from her as soon as possible. Where did she get the rum you ask? My dad buys it for her. They are totally co dependent on each other in some sick way. My dad called with another charming story last year sometime. He told me that he took viagara and tried to get my mom into the sack and she got real mad and told him to get the hell away from her and so he fell asleep in his bed and woke up a few hours later still ready to go and he didn’t know what to do. He was afraid it was stuck like that.
My dad finally moved back up to Ohio last week alone and he called me on the road and said that he called my mom and she said she was lonely so he probably wasn’t going to stay up here for good and that he would probably go back down to her.
17 years of being divorced they are still miserable. What a true inspiration.

something man, but I don’t know what. I think I always have been too. Every boyfriend I ever i always wondered if i should marry him. The only time I actually did get married i was 19 and pregnant and didn’t want to go home. There was no romantic celebration, no fancy dress, and no pretty invitations. It was a private court house event and I didn’t even tell anyone until it was over. I think im always looking for whatever is it im always looking for in whatever boyfriend I have at the time. I still don’t know what im in pursuit of but i think finally upon approaching my 30th year of failing I might be getting it. Whatever it is, is in me. Im supposed to be looking for this thing inside me. That sounds gay but I really think thats what it is. Now that I think im on the right track I have no idea how to do that.
Im back to school in the fall and thank god for the Bach of general studies because I can’t get it together man. I can never figure out what to do. I won’t even do anything with this degree i am paying thousands of dollars for, but at least I will be happy that I actually finished something. I hate going to school because I feel like all the things you need to know you learn on the job. I don’t care about sociology. I get it already people are nuts, great fine fantastic, i don’t need a semester reading some BS book about it. I don’t care about working with my classmates on some stupid project. I hate people, I don’t want to work on a project, it’s not helping me learn anything because I already know what the project is going to “teach” me and that is I want to be alone and not in this stupid time consuming piece of bullshit class. All we are doing is buying a worthless degree. Anyone can do that. Most of the people I know with these degrees aren’t even using them anyway, but there is always that hope that maybe one day I will somehow be able to land a sweet job because what I learned at kent state university 10 years ago. Never mind that I’ve had to work at the Target snack bar full time and the circle k part time ever since I graduated with my worthless degree and haven’t had any job experience in whatever i graduated with a degree in maybe someone somwhere will recognize all my genius and pay me for it.
It’s all horse shit so I say, go to your crappy stupid job but don’t make it something you think about at night. Don’t lose what you actually care about because all you want to talk about is how judy from accounting really pisses you off when takes your snack pack. who care’s about those people? the reality is that these stupid jobs don’t matter and that they should just enable you to go the places you want to go and be able to come home to the people you love at night.
I guess I just went off in some crazy ramble but you know me.
welp, im still in pursuit……

You know what I’m saying here. The lady who wears an old worn out Mickey Mouse T shirt that says 1986 on it, we all have seen this lady. Now, there may be some variations on this such as Tweety Bird or occasionally you might see one without the charater but instead having a snappy saying like “too hot for your boyfriend”. These ladies, god help them, I don’t know if they have had these shirts since ’86 or if they just snapped them up down at the army, salvation army. This species of lady is always pretty over weight, a smoker, huge boobs, bleach blonde hair with crazy black roots, real dirty flip flops, some kind of spandex shorts and they always want to make sex jokes. What can we do to save these ladies? Can we save them? Are they worth saving?
How do you become one of these ladies? Does it start off young? Should we ban all youth size cartoon character shirts? I never had any cartoon character shirts but what I did have was a tie dye shirt with a shiny glittery graphic on the front of 2 parrots and to go with said shirt I had 2 options either the neon pink spandex pants or the bright blue. I wore this outfit the very first day of 5th grade and I really thought that I was lookin sweet. I don’t know how some of us make it out alive and some go down the mickey mouse tshirt lady hole but all i have to say is thank the lord above i know longer own a shiny glittery tie dye parrot tshirt.

Listening to classic TV Theme songs over the weekend really got me thinking, whatever happened to the good shows?
Maybe they weren’t even good shows, but they’re the ones we watched when we were little because we didn’t have 65 nickelodeons and disney channels. Remember 227? I didn’t like that show but it didn’t stop me from watching it. What business does a little kid have watching Perfect Strangers, a show about 2 wacky men and their adventures. What about Golden Girls and Empty Nest, oh yeah, I watched those too.
here are some of the shows I watched…
1. Cosby. Can I just ask, why was their oldest daughter half white? I loved that show but the episodes I never liked were the ones where the kids would get together and make up a song and dance routine for their parents or grandparents. They always gave Rudy the part of the man with deep voice solo. Hilarious, we get it.
2. Who’s the Boss? you mean to tell me an ex baseball player can’t get some kind of other job besides man housekeeper? Also why did it take so long for them to admit they were in love? You know he was ta_danza_ing her the first night after a couple bottles of wine. I thought samantha micelli was the coolest.
3. Growing Pains- hello kirk cameron oh wait you’re married to jesus, hello leo dicaprio and welcome to the rest of my life.
I think every episode of this show maggie cried, oh jason and then some silly big hair bobbing and everything was ok again. My favorite part of this show (besides leo) was that mikes best friend was called boner. That’s just beautiful.
4. Family Ties – you know you sang along, sha na na na. alex p keaton was classic. you know what always bothered me though, those tiny ass juice glasses they were always drinking out of. i know they were hippies but they both worked, i know they could afford to give those kids some more damn juice. I hated when they brought andrew in. why do sitcoms always think they need to bring in some bratty little kid. I could have used a little more of mallory’s stupid boyfriend nick. YO.
5. Blossom – remember how unattractive she was and how confusing it was when they gave her that really cute boyfriend.
6. just the 10 of us – I loved this show because I like to see what girl talk was going on in their sweet attic bedroom.
7. Living Dolls – you don’t remember this show but it was a Who’s the Boss spin off starring Leah Remini about models living together in a house. halle berry was on it too. I think her name on the show was token black but im not sure.
8. Full House – come on ladies you all know you wanted DJ’s hair. It did get sweet there for awhile. I never thought the olsens were funny but i will tell you what danny tanner kicked my ass.
9. Family Matters- I hated this show but they trapped you in the middle of TGIF. what the hell ever happened to the little sister judy? i did like when urkel wouldn’t be urkel but would turn into STEPHAN URKELL. you know he was fine.
10. Golden Girls – what else was i doing on saturday night? i know for sure i will end up in a house somewhere with a bunch of ladies with kristie and randi starring as dorothy and sofia.

I know there were a ton more but I won’t go on. I just want to say I want some more gay family sitcoms. Our kids are getting robbed of the TGIF experience. I mean I watch Denise Richards as much as the next guy but come on writers let’s try to remember the 80’s and give us some more family situation.

hate a parade. what is the point of standing there watching the mantua potato queen cruise past in her stupid sash waving? i don’t care about the towns boy scouts and i don’t want to hear the fire truck siren for 2 hours. we all know the town has a fire truck, why do we have to parade it down the street? big whoop for the mayor, no one even knows your name and nobody wants your stinkin candy you throw out to the crowd. that candy always sucks anyway because the person who actually has to go to the store and buy it is given $2.50 out of petty cash to buy candy for 1000 assholes standing on the side of the road in 150 degree weather waiting to see the kiwawanis club members cruise by.
I just really hate a parade.

So we set forth as a small convoy on Friday headed east to Cooks Forest in PA to have a camping adventure. We set up our camp and there was a tent and a canopy right next to each other with lines held down with stakes all over the place, it looked like we had set up booby traps just to watch people trip over them. Some of the hardest times I laughed this weekend was watching my kids and friends fall down all over. I mean, you know it got me too. J wandered out of her tent friday night in the pitch black and was coming over to us at the fire and one caught her right in the mouth. All we heard was mom im thirs____GAG, then fall. It was awesome. Then another time skylar came tearing ass down the corner tripped and went down hard. all I saw was hair flying forward.
The kids ran all over this wooded hillside and brought creatures like salamaders and frogs down to visit. It was gross. We had to shake them down like convicts before we left to make sure no one was packing any ‘mander on them to take home. When it rained we huddled under the canopy and drank our smuggled in illegal beers. we cooked tasty food and sat around the fire singing tv show theme songs. While we did this a raccoon came out of the woods and straight up chewed through a bag and ate a ton of food while we all sang 15 feet away. We didn’t know until we heard a noise like the cooler door closing. I guess he just grabbed a beer and hauled ass. I don’t blame him, it was good beer. There were many laughs and farts and sweet memories made.
To all my friends who shared this fine adventure with me, I leave you with this…
Streaks on the china, never mattered before, who cares.

perceptions are really weird things. i know for sure i don’t know what people think of me and I think sometimes I think they think things that they probably don’t even think. you following this? do you think if everyone actually knew what other people thought they would change? I always think people don’t like me cause i don’t say a lot. i never feel like I have anything to say really, i guess thats because it’s all stored up in my head for some future blog. also im real sarcastic and i don’t know who gets it.
i wish people would dare to be happy. i wish more people understood that it’s not hopeless and they can get out. hopelessness sucks and i know, i’ve been there. thank god renner was the only one who actually saw it because it wasn’t pretty.
What do you think you’re going to remember when you’re older? It’s weird how things just fade away, things you think are so important at the time fade away and you completely lose them. Here are some things I hope I remember:
1. the smell of campfire
2. the way the Oregon coast looks early in the morning with fog rolling along the mountain sides.
3. how thinking about how much i really love my kids brings tears to my eyes.
4. how my stomach feels when im falling in love.
5. what my friends looked like when we were young and laughing.
6. how much a loaf of bread was.
7. how strong my dad was.
8. every kiss i had in a thunderstorm.
9. that everything was only meant to be temporary anyway.
10. how to wipe myself.