I was waiting at a stop light today and I saw this family crossing the road, they were 2 boys probably 12 and 13 and then a mom and dad. The dad was real tall, tan, mullet and no shirt, the mom was short with crazy 80’s bush (on her head) and they were holding hands. I thought it was really sweet. First of all, it’s hot and I don’t want anyone touching my hand but he was holding her hand and making sure she made it to the other side. That’s nice. So I started to think about love and how people find each other. Its pretty amazing that sometimes two of the god awful ugliest people you think will be alone forever find each other and are happy.
When I was in the army we were stripped of all things civilian so you are with a group of people that are all socially equal. You can’t tell immediately what “group” anyone belonged to in their former life so you end of forming really great relationships with people who you might never speak to on the outside. Im trying to be less judgemental. Im taking people for what they are. Oh believe me I will make fun and laugh at you, but I will laugh at the next dude I see with a crazy mullet and a busch beer too. Im all for equal.

so i have this neighbor who brings her kids over every night to swim. I don’t mind but i really can’t be hanging out every night, i have things to clean and laying in my bed with AC and watching house hunters to do. Her oldest is a 5 year old boy who is really annoying. He has asbergers or how the hell ever you spell it and I get it, it’s not his fault but I don’t even like kids. Especially not ones who throw handfuls of driveway rocks into my pool and then splash me with water and then spit their big wad of bubble tape gum to the bottom of the pool. So I go outside today because I didn’t even say hi yesterday and we chat chitting which is truly painful for me and she mentions that today is her birthday and she bought herself some zima. (frat boy chanting PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY) and that she is going to drink alone because no one is home. So I ask if she has ever had a mojitos, one of my favorite summertime drink o roo’s. She said no so I made us each one and let me say they were good. And I mean real good. We’re sitting, sipping, getting splashed and she says, by the way, Im 3 months pregnant. Well fanfuckintastic. I just encouraged fetal alcohol syndrome. She strikes me as really like a by the book girl so this was weird. She said she hardly drinks at all but she is craving alcohol. Im sure a few drinks won’t hurt the baby, but it’s not something that I have ever done so it kind of weirded me out. I can see the alcohol slowing starting pillowing into her blood and she then proceeds to tell me her kid is going to be horny like his dad (who is now on his 6th kid with a 3rd lady) because everyday he wakes up with a full on boner and recently in the bathtub he pulled the skins from around his little man and said look mom, an airplane.
It’s just another day on 7th St. and Sackett.

Mojito (Mo-He-Toe) Recipe
Shot o Rum
Lime
Simple Syrup
Fresh Mint
Club Soda

Muddle the mint, some real sugar, the lime and rum together. Dump in a sweet glass, top off with some club soda and take’ er easy.

*dogs love to get in the garbage.
*people wear their collars up.
*i love chipotle.
*i laugh so hard when anyone either bites their own finger when they are trying to eat or falls down.
*i always tend to trade money for happiness. i will never pick the high paying job i hate or a man with cash, i value happiness for some crazy reason. i wish my brain knew that money = happiness.
*my kid sleeps like a man, any given day you will find her rolled up in her bed (which is littered with things like books and shoes) not using a pillow and wearing jeans and no shirt.
*Fallyn swears like a sailor or why it makes me laugh.
*i am a rambling man.
*my jugs look so good in a tank top.
*i like to drink dortmunder and cut the grass.
*people hate flushing public toilets.
*men love boobs.
*i do not know how to dress like a normal lady.
*i love those tiny pre fab houses. http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com Once I ditch all my kids im heading for the hills.
*i know more about celebrities than politics.

I want to know all your i can’t tell you why’s.

Listen up summertime, we get it. it’s like you’re rubbing it in springs face that it never even had a chance. you guys remember spring? mildly warm where you could still use a jacket in the morning and then on the ride home it was warm and sunny? what happened to that? was that really so bad? it’s so damn hot even my dogs breathing in my vicinity is making me hotter. our house does not have air conditioning. we have window units in our bedrooms but the rest of the house feels like a damn garbage dump in hell. Im all for summertime, but let’s pace ourselves heat. i don’t want you to waste all the hot in june and have it start snowing again in july. if this happens i will literally flip the old wig.
hey i found a new product that is tasty. its called true lime or true lemon and it’s in giant eagle by the sugar cubes. it’s little packets of lemon or lime that you can add to your water for a tasty bevy or add them to food. they are real good. go to
http://www.truelemon.com and you can request a free sample. i should write about good food and maybe some of those companies will sponsor me and then I can buy air conditioning.

s summertime approaches and I looked in the mirror this morning at my face starting to turn a deeper shade I was instantly reminded of an old Mike Medsker classic line.
Every summer and this summer will be no exception he will inevitably put his arm next to yours and say, “who’s tanner?” and then will laugh and say “Wille, Willie Tanner!”
If you don’t remember who Willie Tanner is, he is the dad from the show ALF. When he says his sweet Willie Tanner line rest assured he will do this in his best ALF voice.
From Wikipedia: ALF is a 30-minute television sitcom that originally ran on NBC from 1986 to 1990.
Welcome Summer of 2008.

ah the men we love…
im going to talk about mine first.
my man.. i just spent the last 2 hours in bed with him watching a movie during which im almost certain he had to have pooped his pants a little. You cannot fart that much and not need to wipe.
He picks his nose and wipes it on the wall.
His taste in porn ( though I won’t reveal it here) actually scares me.
He loves to get out of the shower and blow dry his hair to look like a man wig.
His first sexual phrase he said to me was, “can you play with my balls so I can finish?”
He just pulled half his pants down to eat a twinkie.

One of my friends boyfriend walks around parma planting trees in any place he can find.
Another man of my friend rams his head into walls when things don’t go his way.
Another guy actually shit his pants on a walk on the beach.

its amazing this species has survived.

i always wonder about situations. how i got into them, or how anyone got into them. it’s like everything is just something you accidentally stumbled on. people get into situations that they want to get out of but don’t know how or can’t or just won’t. it’s hard believe me. it’s hard to unravel what’s been done but you have to be true to yourself don’t you? in the end it’s really a solitary journey we’re on here.
here’s what makes me nuts o, i hate when people are constantly victims. shitty things happen and we as humans do shitty things to each other all the time. Every little thing is not cause for a huge pity party. pick yourself up and move it on. you have to learn to let go of lifes little injustices because if you don’t you will go crazy.
so accept people for who they are or don’t. It’s pretty simple.
That being said, i’d really like to go to jamboree in the hills in july. tickets are like 200 bucks though and come on man, i can’t be spending all that to go sit in the dirt, drink beers and listen to some sweet music. I guess it will just be me, my fire pit, coupla dortmunders and my kid’s boom box.
god bless the usa.

Today I had we had a lady day with candles and sex toys. It was a good time. Ladies why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we force each other to have these at home parties? We can buy candles and lube at target, we don’t have to get independent consultants to come demonstrate. We don’t need to force our families out so we can clean the hell out of the house. We don’t need to make a million snacks and force our dogs to stay in the basement. We can get the same shit while grocery shopping. It makes no sense. NOBODY wants to go to a partylite party. No one wants to spend 97 bucks in candles so our friend can get .47 worth of merchandise for free. Still we do these things. We force everyone we know to come. We act proper and buy our candles and pretend we don’t know we’re supposed to trim our wicks and no burn unattended. Women are a strange breed.
Sex toy parties are a whole different animal. I get it, we all like sex toys and some people don’t want to go to the store to get them. Here’s what I don’t get, why do women giggle at penis’ like they have never seen one? My group is a little more open but here is what a normal sex toy party with 40+ year old women is like….
Group of ladies giggling. Bring out the vibrators and it’s a crazy mess. They laugh so hard at the stupidest little jokes. They ooohh and aaahhh and think they are so “bad” for this. It’s hilarious. Just once I want to see one of these ladies simu-blow job on one. That I would laugh at.
After the festivities a bunch of us sat outside and froze until we realized we were all sitting around the fire pit with no fire. So finally we lit the fire had some sweet cokes and some nice pizza.
It was a pretty nice little Sunday. Bought some candles, some business from Pure Romance, found out way too much about the Squire women (thanks a lot alisha!), had some quality time with my ladies, and some tasty snacks. Good times ladies, good times.

My blogs are deeply personal and I use them as a way to get out of me the thoughts that would threaten to consume me if I didn’t put them out into the universe and free myself from them.
I use my blogs as a way to re think things and figure out what I am really about. I, in no way mean anyone any harm by what I write. If it’s about someone I will call them out. If it isn’t it’s just a general get things off my mind type deal.
I observe, I think, I write. My life is out there for everyone to read about. Hopefully they make you think and sometimes laugh. I will continue to put it all out there so I don’t go insane and poke random eyeballs out of peoples heads. It’s for the good of humanity really. So I apologize now to anyone who may have felt that I was talking about them or anyone who I offend.
They are my thoughts and I’m putting them out there.

as ladies we always think that it is us who are the ones that are miserable. we get mad at our men because they don’t do this or that, but we never even consider they might be just as miserable. We only look at things from our point of view and bitch to our friends about it.
let’s reverse this for a minute…
your husband works all day and then turns over his paycheck to you at the end of the week.
your husband has no friends because he spends all his time with you and the kids.
your husband waits like a puppy for you to come home when you’re gone.
This man has no where to go and no one to talk to about how he feels but you. Would he really say, damn this woman is getting on my nerves today?
What if we had no one to talk to and bitch about men to? Listen, I have been in that place. I have been in that beaten down man’s position and it is not good. Pretty soon you start thinking your only friend in the world is Rosie o’donnell.
I get it, people do shitty things to each other all the time but everyone needs to be free to be who they are and have friends.
I just think that we should stop sometimes and put ourselves in the other shoes for a minute because if we did we might be nicer to each other.